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March 20, 2007

Green Eggs and Pizza

By Andrea Hunt,
With Apologies to Dr. Seuss

I am a student group leader.
I am a student group feeder.

I order pizza; their eyes fill with dread.
I ask the group what they want instead.

Would you eat BW3s?
Could we agree on this food please?

We’ll be buried in wing sauce up to our
knees,
The vinegary smell makes half of us wheeze,
And wings don’t exactly grow on trees,
There’ll be no money for our trip to Belize.
Pardon us for being rude
But can’t you pick some better food?

Would you eat Jimmy John’s?
Could we reach accord and then move on?

We do not care for Jimmy John’s.
Salami and alfalfa are better off gone;
And, frankly, mayo doesn’t turn us on.
Let’s pick food we won’t want to pawn.
Pardon us for being rude
But can’t you pick some better food?

Would you eat burritos instead?
Could we agree on this before we’re dead?

We’re all vegetarians, we said.
Chicken and beef we won’t be fed.
We’ll gag on green peppers or red
We’d really rather eat a sled.
Or drink from the jar in the shed.
Pardon us for being rude
But can’t you pick some better food?

Would you eat some sushi, then?
Could we agree on this? It’s almost ten!

Tuna, shrimp, and salmon
Will spoil and we’ll be poisoned.
The idea’s OK but you can’t win
Raw fish, in time, is not one’s friend.
Pardon us for being rude
But can’t you pick some better food?

Will you eat Ritz crackers from a box?
Could we agree on this? I’ve a date with a
fox!

We don’t want crackers from a box
Not with cheese, not with lox
Our appetites your suggestion mocks
We’d be better off if we ate rocks.
Pardon us for being rude
But can’t you pick some better food?

If I could pose a compromise
That lacks both interest and surprise.
Our lowly common denominator lies
In the original pile of pizza pies.
[Our hero collapses in a heap of sighs.]

That’s fine.
We’re hungry.
Let’s go, and promise never to rhyme again.

Meeting adjourned.