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April 03, 2007

Clients Unlike Any Other

"Frolic and Detour"
By Patrick Barry

James Boyd White, Hart Wright Professor of Law, will be retiring from teaching at the end of this term. In honor of the pioneering work Professor White has done in the law and humanities—his 1973 book Legal Imagination is considered by many to be the foundational text of the contemporary law and literature movement—the Law School has announced plans to establish the James Boyd White Law and Humanities Clinic, a counseling center designed to help law books learn more about themselves. Administrators have released feedback forms from the clinic’s trial phrase, some of which are reproduced below, and hope all will attend the clinic’s official opening in September.

Patient: Ms. Modern Criminal Procedure: Cases-Comments-Questions
Clinician: Dr. The Complete Short Stories of Franz Kafka
“For the most part the doctor was helpful. A bit creepy, even crawly, but helpful. Though I was curious why he kept me waiting so long.”
Prescription: Curative Tattoo


Patient: Mr. Modern Law of Contracts
Clinician: Dr. Merchant of Venice
“Too many scales in that office. I think I gained a pound of flesh just by looking at them.”
Prescription: 500mg of Mercy, 250mg of Equity


Patient: Ms. Environmental Regulation of Land Use
Clinician: Dr. Walden
“Dr. Walden instructions were wonderfully direct and clear and frequently humorous. At times, however, he seemed a bit removed, almost solitary.”
Prescription: Beans


Patient: Mr. Children and the Law
Clinician: Dr. Oliver Twist
“The advice Dr. Twist gave me was fantastic. My only complaint is that there wasn’t enough of it. Please, sir, I want some more!”
Prescription: 20 hours of observed chimney sweeping


Patient: Ms. Sex Equality
Clinician: Dr. A Room of One’s Own
“One lousy room—that is all she could offer me! We are talking systemic historical oppression. One lousy room is not going to cut it!”
Prescription: More than “one lousy room,” but no more than three.