July 02, 2009
last minutes
I HATE PEOPLE THAT BAIL LAST MINUTE (for inexcusable excuses, of course) especially if we have planned it out for awhile .... wayyy before your new plans. ugh.
why am i so angry?
Posted by ashlau at 11:36 PM | Comments (0)
June 25, 2009
awkward dog walk
hmm so gibson and i just had or are currently in a mini fight. i wanted to try something and he said it was weird. basically i got upset because i was being serious and he was avoiding the question. i just felt like that because he has asked me to try things and i refuse sometimes but i feel like in the end, i do end up trying it to please him. i just felt like he couldnt do the same.
or maybe i'm just being paranoid and stupid
going to shower so he doesnt see me cry.
Posted by ashlau at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)
June 18, 2009
it is insecurity or is it...?
so i was thinking about all the times i get jealous and weirded out by gibson's female friends and whatever. and i thought i was insecure about our relationship and probably myself. but what if i was just a greedy bitch who wanted him all to myself? I mean I did get jealous in the very beginning of our relationship when he had guys night. So male or female, no difference.
and i think i'm high
Posted by ashlau at 09:43 PM | Comments (0)
May 30, 2009
feel bad
so yesterday (Friday) i got upset because gibson played dota for 9 hours and a bit more straight with jack and kunal at his place while i was there. i didn't care really but for 9 hours, i tried so hard to not care. we were supposed to go to espn and watch the game -- we couldnt 2 days earlier (Wednesday) because gibson had a spanish exam the day after (Thursday) and he said we would go Friday...but because he was so busy playing, we never went. I knew it as the clock was approaching 8:30 pm (game was on at 9 pm) so around 9 pm i went to his room to watch the lakers game and he came in sometime after.. then i just got extremely upset. i feel bad now but i don't know how i should feel. i literally sat in his apt after i woke up, showered, walked Mo, had pizza and let them play for 9 hours. he hardly even talked to me the whole 9 hours. i don't know if it's my fault because i said i was okay with them coming over but i just didnt expect it to be 9 hours straight and i expected to go to espn to get food and watch the game, i even brought my gasol jersey. even now thinking about it, i'm a bit upset and confused at myself.
i just felt ignored. i felt like i wasted an entire friday. and it felt different from days where i do nothing because yesterday, i thought at least we would go out and watch the game. he didn't even watch the first quarter with me because he was still gaming...
Posted by ashlau at 11:59 AM | Comments (0)
April 29, 2009
obsessed
why are people so addicted to their boyfriends?
maybe i am too but not in the way where you have to post pictures and write about them EVERY DAMN PLACE YOU CAN.. at least i hope i don't do that.
i need a job.. another interview friday
too bad terracycle was unpaid, would have been pretty sweet.
on a side note to self: open yourself up and be nicer to people. become friends with people and stop being a hater.
Posted by ashlau at 09:55 PM | Comments (0)
April 08, 2009
changed
the more i think about it, the more i realized i've changed over the years. i guess quite a lot of people do though.
i'm scared, i'm getting to the point of my life where i feel semi-lost yet not.
i just got back from visiting umich. i was weird because eveyrone was still in the school cycle while i wasn't. i felt semi-homeless as well. seeing everyone was nice, to get to talk to them in person rather than online and through facebook..also discovered that i truly cannot and will not be attracted to him. but it is not true vice versa..apparently he has this song that reminds me of him and i could tell by small gestures..ugh it bothers me but at the same time i feel sad for him.
my butt hurts. yep i tried it with gibson for the first time yesterday night. ouch.
Posted by ashlau at 12:51 AM | Comments (0)
March 24, 2009
ahh london
i'm craving london
i'm craving to go back
i'm craving good students and a good school
i need a job. shit
Posted by ashlau at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)
March 15, 2009
sad
i'm leaving london this coming Sunday. this always happens to me - i fall in love with things and i have to leave them. i love london right now. i just met some people i really like hanging out with and they're from the UK. i'll probably never see them again. sad.
is it wrong to flirt? flirting is innocent. what if they know you're dating someone? i don't know.
forehead love.
ps. MAD by NE-YO is on repeat.
Posted by ashlau at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)
March 05, 2009
confused by my own emotions
why am i crying? i feel like we don't really talk or you don't talk to me. i don't even know what is going on in your life.
going to bed
Posted by ashlau at 10:13 PM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2009
love it
i still get this warm feeling inside when gibson tells me he loves me. hehe. gotta go out and take pictures for my project now eek.
Posted by ashlau at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)
January 18, 2009
starting on week 2
I am so lonely. I just cried for 1 min. I miss Gibson, I miss home, I miss everything I'm comfortable with. I got to talk to my parents and Megan yesterday which was nice. I woke up thursday morning and my back starting hurting really bad. It's been the same for the past few days but ibuprofen really helps a lot. I literally didn't do anything this weekend. Sad, I'm in London and I feel like I'm wasting it away but I've done a lot of the touristy things already because I've been here twice. My mom and dad want to come at the end of my term and fly back with me so they can help me with my suitcases, which would be amazing. I miss them so much, I want them to come now. I feel so foolish because I'm 21 years old and I am feeling so dependent right now. I don't really feel like making new friends, I'm so quiet and have nothing to say to people. I don't think I've really done much this week except stay in my room a lot. I went to get groceries and went to a few vintage shops with Traci but that was it. I was going to go to this house party that Rocky and his friends were hosting but I feel asleep and then woke up and my back hurt a lot still so I didn't go, I should have. I regret it a little. I am so boring and lame. I iwsh i joined a study abroad program so that I would at least have excursions to go on with people. I feel so lonely and so alone. I don't know why it's taking me so long to adjust to this place. I really just want to go home right now. I have 9 more weeks left. I know I'll survive but I feel like I'm dying sometimes. Everything is so expensive too, I feel poor and lonely. It's a sad, sad story...
Posted by ashlau at 10:41 AM | Comments (0)
January 15, 2009
one week done.
wow. one week is over. 9 more weeks in the semester, 1/3 done with one brief. crazy! i'm procrastinating too much though - i have 30 pages of layouts to do and much reading to do before I even start designing! gahh.
i slept the best yesterday night since i got here i think. i dreamt of having this really great cat and i lost it then found it again, it was so friendly and made me so happy. strange because i'm not a cat person but i did start liking cats. but i woke up and my back was a little sore so that's the only down side.
hmm i'm always sitting in my room doing nothing. i'm so tired and all the people i've meet are nice but no one that i really click with yet. i don't see them as people i would really be close with. i really just wanna explore london and eat (with gibson that is). i feel like i sometimes obsess over him but he's the one person i love doing almost everything with, who i love to eat with, and who i just love to talk to about random things - the only one who really gets what i'm trying to say when i'm not making sense. i miss him a lot. this sucks i wanna go home and i'm in london, sad thing huh??
and i cannot stop listening to the keane cd he always plays in his car..
Posted by ashlau at 04:16 PM | Comments (0)
January 13, 2009
class are 100% different YIKES!
i can't tell if it's better or worse. it's just confusing and overwhelming. i'm intimidated by it already. it's 6:30 am and i dont have class today officially but we have 3 weeks to be working on this crazy brief (what they call a 'project' or assignment') i'm so nervous because we're just jumping in the middle of the school year with the regular students. i'm excited though because i feel like it the work i will get from it will be better than the work i can produce because
1. professors are better and mroe knowledgable, i can tell already
2. higher standards for work
3. less stress about academic classes on the side and meetings for clubs
ahh i'm scared and i keep getting up so early..and i get so tired at 11 pm to midnight. and i don't know so far the first few days, the people i've met are pretty cool but i am kind of quiet and don't talk that much. i never know what to say unless we just click well. it's hard because some people are getting to be better friends and i feel like i am getting left behind or will be left behind. sad story i know. i don't know though, i always feel like this in the beginning of something big like pre-college and college and now this study abroad. i hate this feeling. i want to get to know people better and be social but i can't very well and it sucks because everyone else is starting to and whatnot like and will go out together. i get invited too but i feel awkward sometimes because they talk more than i do. i'm sad and nervous and everything not good.
i think i also have a urinary tract infection.. gross i know. i have this weird tingly feeling like i always have to go when i dont and when i do, none or little pee comes out and its dark. ahhh. yuck but i scheduled to see a urologist --hopefully this week, i'm still waiting to find out when my appt is.
ugh i'm hungry now and i'm trying to plan a trip to paris within the next 4 weeks.
Posted by ashlau at 01:44 AM | Comments (0)
January 09, 2009
day 1 and 2 of london
so i flew from newark nj to london on jan 7 and arrived in the morning of jan 8 london time. on the plane i met a graduate student from the US studying abroad for the year. she told me 'pant's means 'underwear' in the UK. interesting. anyways, british airways lost one of my suitcases which had all my clothes and shoes and random things. i cried at the airport because i got so stressed out. i waited over an hour and nothing came out and my driver was in a rush because we had to get other people who were also sutdying abroad but in the end everything worked out. i got my other luggage which contained my sheets, towels and all my toiletries so i was okay for the night. i was also lucky because i randomly stuffed on pair of jeans and a sweater into the same suitcase. i had to hand wash my panties and let them dry overnight - kind of gross? and yeah so i slept half naked and it was freezing. the heat in the room is not good at all, it doesn't heat the room at all, it only heats 1 foot away from it. i am going to have to buy a small plug-in heater like some girl i met today. everyone has that problem. and the shower ugh so small and shitty. its like cruiseship small and the curtain sticks to you and the it gets the floor all wet. its not too good but i'll hve to deal with it for 2.5 month. after i checked into my room, i just went shopping with traci to get some basic things for the room such as toilet paper and a bath rug. london is amazing. all the people dress so differently but they all look so put together and fashionable, complete opposite of the USA. oh yeah i couldn't find my flat because the numbering system confused me. and i only met 2 of my flat mates so far , 2 out of 7. both happen to be asian fobs and i forgot their names already..ugh we'll see. the kitchen is madd dirty already and the semester just started...i'll have to deal again. i need to get food and such.
Posted by ashlau at 01:43 AM | Comments (0)
December 24, 2008
time really does fly
one more year of college and it's over. sad. i really enjoyed it and i'm not really looking forward to graduating - well mostly because i'm nervous about jobs and my financial situation. gibson is graduating early and planning on going to culinary school, which is pretty awesome.
anyways i'm flying to china tomorrow for the first time ever. i'm super excited because both my dad and mom's side of the family is coming PLUS gibson :D. first family vacation, yay! i'm looking forward to it. yeah and i feel bad because i keep nagging gibson about what to bring and such. i feel like a mother when i don't want to but i think that's just the way i am. uh well whatever, i know whatever he packs will work out. it's really great that gibson's so chill and laid back because he helps me out a bit in balancing out my craziness. i'm always stressed or worried about things, even though they are small. he just doesn't stress that much and i think it's better for your body. ahh he's so great, sometimes i don't even know how i got to date him. it sounds stupid but i always think about it. i think i have insecurity issues deep down. it's weird. i don't think it's physical insecurities, maybe personality insecurities? i don't even know if that makes sense. i always feel that gibson is too good for me. i'm always mean and get mad for no reason and i know it at the time but i still do it. ahh i hate myself for it and i feel like even if i say sorry to him, it's the fact that i always do it so sorry doesn't even matter. i'm just so so thankful he's patient and loving. seriously, if it was anyone else, i think they couldn't stand me and just leave me.
i want to be a good girlfriend but i don't know if i am sometimes. honestly i think people have this jaded image of our relationship. well not really but everytime i talk to people about gibson and i or our relationship, they make comments that imply our relationship is amazing. i think it is but i don't think people really know how it is sometimes - like me being crazy and stressful. hmm i don't know how to explain this thought in writing well but i don't want it to come off as me saying that our relationship is bad and i pretend it's great. it IS great. ah anyways i should go to bed.
Posted by ashlau at 12:58 AM | Comments (0)
December 20, 2008
blahhh
ugh gibson called me. he's supposed to come today and he will be in a few hours. lani officially moved in. hate it. i need to go shopping to jsut not think about anything. its freaking dec 20, school doesnt start for another month..why does she need to move in.. lajdlfjslkdfjlskdfjasdklf i hate thinking about this and i don't want it to be weird with gibson. i might just rant on and rant about how i feel again but i don't really want to. i'm going to go change and go out for a little.
i'm so nervous about going to london too..
Posted by ashlau at 02:30 PM | Comments (0)
December 01, 2008
its bugging the SHIT out of me!!
so thanksgiving break just passed. blah so all i can think about is gibson's roommate situation next semester. we did talk after the entry i wrote below was published. i basically was scared to bring it up but did and then started freaking out and crying then we stopped talking and then i talked to him at night and then things were 'okay' again.
But it gets really awkward for me still when it gets brought up and it got brought up so much during the break by his mom, johnson, johnson's friends, etc. apparently she's moving in dec..why i dont know .. freaking school doesnt even start till late january.. blahh i hate this. i just try to not care or think about it because of gibson. i dont wnat him to have to worry about what i'm thinking. but anyways the other night i had a bad dream. guess what it was about? yep. her. my dream was that gibson and i got into a fight and she was tehre and then i told him to tell her to leave and he said no then i was crying. there was more to it but its kind of unclear but that was the jist of it
i really dont know why it bothers me so much. well i do to some extent but not completely. i mean if she's goign to be there in dec till june - i honestly dont want to be there when she is. its so freaking long too. i'll be back in march and thats like 3 more months . i wanna die.
i think i'm not as freaked out by it but it still really bothers me on the inside. this reminds me of the greece situation but different in that i am still not over it. it sucks too because i dont want to bring it up again because gibson doesnt think i trust him. i trust him, i really do. i guess i'm mostly jealous and sad that some other girl gets to live with him for a whole 6.5 months or so - alone - before i do. some girl i dont know and dont really like for no reason.
i can't get this out of my head.
Posted by ashlau at 10:10 PM | Comments (0)
November 16, 2008
uneasy
ahh i can't help but feel uneasy that gibson is going to have a female housemate. just him and her. yep. the more i think about it, the more uneasy and weird i feel about it. honestly i never really thought about it until he mentioned it yesterday and then i started thinking about it and i was weird about it. i think i am okay with this fact but at the same time i'm not. he asked if i trusted him and yeah i do but i just feel like its mainly because i have no idea who she is and i dont like her already. obviously once he told me who she was, i had to facebook her and look. she's cute, single, and most likely not a lesbian. yep. am i being crazy?!! someone help me.
everyone i talked to, which isn't that many yet, has told me that the way i'm feeling is only normal. and i think it sucks that i can't do anything about it. and also she might be staying not only next semester but the entire year of senior year...ahh i dont even want to go stay at his apartment anymore if she's there. am i being obssessive and crazy and jealous for no reason??? maybe, maybe not but i can't help how i feel or what i think. being in london and not being able to just call him whenever i want makes it 20 times harder for me too. ahhh i am about to cry as i write this .. eh going to get food and not think about it.
Posted by ashlau at 05:55 PM | Comments (0)
November 10, 2008
upset
i hate when people tell me i'm not working hard enough or see that i am. because i wasn't passionate about my first idea and changed it the week after doesn't mean i'm not working hard. i spent the entire weekend rethinking my idea and starting it. for god sake i didn't even go out this past weekend, the first weekend of the school year. yeah stupid i know but it pisses me off so much.
"Hi Ashley
I am not sure what happened to you with your project, you came in with a design last week that was highly praised and this week you came in with something completely different, that was not developed enough for us to critique in a meaningful way and that has nothing to do with the class. This project is, as stated in the syllabus, supposed to represent six weeks of outside work and unless you crank up your work, you are going to fall short. I can see that you are talented Ashley, but you are not working nearly hard enough in this class to get above a C grade. I think you can do much better than that, if you prioritize this class, and really crank up the work. Otherwise, you are on track to get a C or worse.
Holly"
how does this get me a C? i have never gotten a C (except geosci for 1 credit..) but this makes me so made, yeah i had a good idea but i changed it and i didn't explain it well enough so now i have a C? you just made this shit up out of no where. i need support because i am about to cry.
i'm so stressed out and i can't take this anymore.
Posted by ashlau at 09:04 PM | Comments (0)
November 09, 2008
i don't really like you
you annoy me
why are you so cheap and moochy?
Posted by ashlau at 11:42 PM | Comments (0)
November 02, 2008
stupid
I'm stupid
so i tried to help this random girl and ended up tryign to show the bouncer my fake id and he knew it wasn't me and then he took it away and i got upset and started crying and yelling at people. mike got my id back for me though. he's always saving me from crazy situations. i'm really glad we're friends. but anyways brendan picked marie and i up and i thought he was a cab the entire time. i tried to pay marie for the 'cab' and then i was crying and throwing up..wonderful.
Posted by ashlau at 04:14 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2008
fall break just ended
i'm back in michigan...fall break was good. i can picture myself living with gibson already..i love it.
eating bagel bites, watching tv, sleeping together, just doing nothing together is so nice..although things would be different when we actually have work but i think great nonetheless..this semester has been so blahh, my least favorite..actually no. its just different and maybe i actually like it..hmm for one thing, i havent been so so drunk except once during welcome week and i'm feeling pretty good about this.
but school has been hard this semester and i'm always in the art studio and it sucks due to the buses..
and my sorority, it's good and i don't hate it but i think i'm leaving anyways just because i don't care about it enough.. lol i feel so bad but i don't think it is worth paying for, not that i even pay for it, my parents do and they can if i wanted to stay but i don't think its worth paying for if i dont even really care about it... its sad though because i really like some of the girls and i dont think it'll change our friendship just because i'm not in my pi phi anymore but it will be different because we wont be doing pi phi thing together anymore..whatever..
i should sleep
i miss gibson
Posted by ashlau at 10:47 PM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2008
UAL =)
So i finally got my decision for studying abroad at UAL! woot i'm super excited but right now life is blah because of accounting..I did so poorly on my first exam I don't even want to type it out even though no one reads this. I really need to do well on my next two exams in order to even get maybe a C or B-
gpa killa...
i am super nervous for job searching this summer as well as in the future..what am i going to do with my life? i'm scared and i'm bad at interviews and selling myself.
ps. did i mention how much i hate accounting 471?!
Posted by ashlau at 12:54 AM | Comments (0)
September 23, 2008
stress ball
i pretty much broke down yesterday night during SM. all the girls, work, rush, accounting, etc just overwhelmed me and i couldn't take it. and i obviously started crying. i know i know,..i'm ridic. i always do that. i freak out but i'm glad gibson's here so i can talk to him about whatever. i feel bad though because someitmes i feel like he doesnt wanna listen to random shit i say ..
i feel like the past two weeks have been all rush and all pi phi. fuck that. i need to make work my number and i seriously have no time..i'm so so busy all the time and i guess i do commit myself to a lot of thing but i'm just worried.
i have a comprehensive accounting problem due thursday and i'm busy all day tomorrow 830-1130 anatomy then buy ink then humane society to walk dogs then eat and get ready for rush. it's denise's 21st too and i'm sad i can't go eat dinner with them because of recruitment from 630-1040. it's almost over but i dont' know if i like any of the girls yet.
i'm so exhausted, i feel like i don't even have time to go out. sad i know. whatever. i'm also stressed about job hunting and such.. the career fairs aren't geared toward us...us meaning art students. why did i become one? what am i doing with my life.
Posted by ashlau at 10:41 PM | Comments (0)
September 17, 2008
crazy
school has started and i've been back for a few weeks now. rush is a bitch. second sets start tomorrow and its so tiring. my classes are not even classes i like, it sucks a lot but its the way my scheduling works out. i'm doing a lot of volunteering though, with huron valley humane society and preschool kids at the ann arbor preschool. accounting 471 is hard for me. the beginning was fairly easy but chapter 3 is confusing me already :( i feel so dumb.
i really want gibson to come visit but i feel really bad asking him all the time because he really can't come. i don't want to go to a date party because he's not here. i guess i'll never have gone to any of my date parties with a date.. lame but whatever. and i'm scared for job searching. i suck at interviews and such and being a design student, the job fairs are never geared for us. sweet right? kill me.
and i'm supposed to find out whether i get into UAL this week...i'm REALLY nervous. it'll make my day if i get it but if i don't i'll be super super super super bummed.. you have no idea... it'd be so embarrassing to tell people i didn't get it.. omg i would want to be antisocial NO JOKE, just hide away winter semester.
Posted by ashlau at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)
August 13, 2008
back from cali
i'm back from california and gibson came over. i'm so so happy i got to see him again after 6 weeks. he's sleeping right now bc he's still jetlagged from greece but i'm jetlagged from cali so its the opposite. i'm not tired at all. i dont' know what to write besides the fact that i'm just super happy and content with life at this moment. i wish i didn't have to go back to ann arbor because i have to deal with rush, classes and such. i'm not really ready for the whole going out, drinking, and partying scene yet. i kind of wnat to leave it behind but once i go back to ann arbor, it'll find a place in my life. blahhhh
i'm happy with just being in the tri-state area with gibson. going to school = not seeing him.
i only have 12 days or 11 days left before i go back to ann arbor. it's going to be hell with rush. i'm not really excited at all even though i say i am. i don't have any gifts for my little yet and i haven't finished my scrapbook either. i'm too lazy, i don't wnat to commit to any club or group. i feel like i wnat to be antisocial but i'll end up going out and forcing myself to meet people that i probably won't really like..
i want/need to go to ikea. hmm can't wait. okay i'm going to try to go to sleep. boo michigan and school.
ps. johnson's going to umich law. ..hm
Posted by ashlau at 02:51 AM | Comments (0)
July 30, 2008
bad dream
I had the worst dream just a few hours ago. I was in some school and I was in class with random people from high school and college then for some reason we didn't have English next period so I went upstairs and it was like restaurant week and I saw you. For some reason Gibson got mad at me and started to walk away when I made reservations at this place I wanted to treat him to and I had green tea shampoo in my hair (yeah weird). Anyways Gibson was walking away and I was pleading like "don't walk away gibson please" Then I followed him and he sat down with a random bunch of people to eat at this other nice restaurant and the table had like some random girl in my sorority and some guy that tanya knows from nyu. and they asked If i was going to 'sit down and he stated ''I don't know and I don't care" I wanted to sit but I figured I would wash my hair out first so I ran off to shower and was showering with this fat dude and this fat lady and i didn't have conditioner so I used someone else's on the shelf. and I even remember telling the dude 'what are you looking at?' HAHAHA then i came back out and was running to the table but Gibson was done eating. AND THEN I saw his facebook wall and all these girls were writing on it and i was so sad that he left me. I remember one wall post with some really weird fob name and it said "saturday right?" meaning he was going to meet up with her on saturday or a date or something HAHA
it was so sad but that was all a dream. i had another pretty bad dream a few weeks ago—i lost my macbook pro. THAT'D BE BAD.
Posted by ashlau at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)
July 29, 2008
SO ANGRY i want to beat someone to a pulp
I"m so angry right now.
I go shop at Strawberry during my lunch breaks sometimes. Well I bought this black dress and a belt but I never tried it on because I didn't have enough time. Any how, I got home and tried the belt on and it was crappy material so I returned with no problems after the first day. The dress was a bit big on me but I was going to ask my mom to alter it so i didn't return it yet. i showed it to her recently and she said it was too much trouble and the material wasn't good quality (go figure - Strawberry always had those lower class people shopping there, it's different from like forever21) Anyways I decide to go return it before I go to work because I still have like 10 minutes today. So I'm like yeah the dress is too big but she said the dress was "messy" meaning it was linty and wrinkled a bit (that's ONE of the reasons i returned it BECAUSE THE MATERIAL STICKS TO EVERYTHING!!! and its black so you can see it all) and when DONT I HAVE A RIGHT TO TRY THINGS ON? AND OBVIOUSLY IT'LL GET WRINKLED IF ITS SHITTY QUALITY!! she said it was it was definitely worn AND I WAS SOOO PISSED . how she accuse me of something like that?!!! I WAS LIKE I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF THING and she was like sorry you can't return.
i AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW. you know its one thing if i actually did wear and try to return it and i hate it bite me in the butt BUT NOO i JUST tried on it!! OMG I'M SO ANGRY YOU HAVE NO IDEA. i am officially not going there anymore. but i'm trying to see her side though like i can see people who shop there doing that kind of wear it with the tag and returning it BUT BECAUSE I DIDN'T i'm just really really upset.
and also i just realized it was like 12 days since i bought it and they have a 10 day return day policy so i couldn't have returned it anyways. but STILL i hate when people accuse me of such things when it's not true, ESPECIALLY SOMETHING LIKE wearing something and returning it. plus her tone of voice just made me anger, like she was 100% i was one of those people who did shit like that. I'M SO ANGRY.
Posted by ashlau at 09:17 AM | Comments (0)
July 28, 2008
sleep
i'm reading this article in the paper about sleeping and apparently sleeping positions can say a lot about you.
1. FETAL POSITION- tough on the outside , senstive at heart. more than 2x as many women as men sleep like this.
2. LOG (straight, no bending) - social and easygoing but trust strangers and are easily gullible
3. FREEFALLER (on stomach, grasping the pillow) - often brash and social but can be thin-skinned
4. STARFISH (on back, grasping the pillow) - good friends and good listeners
5. SOLDIER (on back, arms at sides) - often quiet and reserved and have high standards.
Well I am a fetal sleeper, no doubt. Whether I'm tough on the outside and sensitive on the inside is another question but close enough.
Posted by ashlau at 10:37 AM | Comments (0)
July 27, 2008
last week of work
tomorrow starts the last week of work. good and bad, i wish i worked longer so i can make more money but that's the only reason. anyways i can't wait for tomorrow, skype with gibson but our last one because i'll be in california next monday. i can't wait until i come home so i can see him.
i'm excited for the fall but not really. i really don't want to do that rush stuff and get a little and such. maybe that'll change but who knows, i'm so fickle about everything i do.
ahh tomorrow night we're eating at delmonicos for restaurant week! i'm so excited.
ugh. i have bad memories every time i think about sophomore year and all the things that happened including the hospital. oh god. i literally get chills sometimes and once even smacked myself on the face for everything, no joke. sometimes i hate myself for everything for the past few years but i can't change it. i figure i can only make sure it doesn't happen again and i will do better things.
Posted by ashlau at 11:04 PM | Comments (0)
July 23, 2008
xanga memories
When Xanga was still popular, Gibson and I used to write private messages to each other. Well here they are.
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Monday, October 17, 2005
hey ahsley its almost 4 and im sitll up doing colelge garbage
and im done for tongiht
but i was just thinking that this year could have been one of the worst school years but because of you i can honestly say that its the best so far
thanks ashley
i <3 u
Private - 3:37 AM - edit it - email - fix language
===================================
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Sunday, October 16, 2005
hi ashley
haha guess what i did my owwn laundry today
haha and i also fell asleep before while i was reading but im almost all finished with my hoemwork
but just wanted to say hi and that i was just thinking of you cause im was on my way to ironing my dress shirt well i htink about u alot more than that but yea haha
ok good night ashley c ya tmrw x a million
and check ur blogring (;
Private - 10:58 PM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Sunday, October 16, 2005
i dont know what to write but 8-) on doing your own laundry
umm lets see, you're very cute yet lame, i love/hate it, yeah i dont know why i wrote that cus its so lame but yeah its true i just hope i never will be like those crazy girls who once they get a bf the 1st day, start writing 'ilu baby 091403', 'you&me 4ever<33', etc haha. then like a week or month later its all deleted cus 'forever' was only 1 week or month . haha enough about that, btw I HATE ASIANS !! GAH THEY MAKE ME LAUGH SO STUPID they think they are ''cool'' when they do this and that, k yeah
i alphabetized your subscription list just prettier that way even though its ugly as is
your xanga is overall ugly k, bye
oh yeah your name is kelly clarkson now, not brian mcknight hahahha
Private - 11:40 PM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM GIBSON TO ME
Monday, October 17, 2005
haha i saved the pics
how did i get a girl as pretty as you
Private - 6:14 PM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
hello again hmmm its 2:30 am and i gave up on studying
right now i'm making my disney cd haha and waiting for songs to download, i'm going to bed after i finish my cookies and milk hahahha
i hate you..haha jk i LOKE you, its an in between of like and love
Private - 2:35 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
===================================
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
hey ashley
its 6 haha i fell asleep didnt do any of my homework or study which is what im trying to do now but yea haha ur entry made
haha i LIVE you a mix btwn a lot of love and and very little like
see you in school today
Private - 6:30 AM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Friday, October 21, 2005
one already hahahha byee
Private - 12:09 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM GIBSON TO ME
Sunday, October 23, 2005
hi ashley
i just took a breka from doing work
im eating those m&m's u got me
yummy in my tummy thanks (;
and its really cold in my house im wearing a sweatshirt
i wish u were here
see u tmrw mi amor
Private - 5:51 PM - edit it - email - fix language
===================================
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Monday, October 24, 2005
1st kiss ehhh
2nd kiss AMAZING
Private - 10:09 PM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
hahaa it was nice
lol i never use these faces, ever .. until now ahha <3
Private - 7:53 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Sunday, October 30, 2005
hello clown dont smile too much i can never tell when you're mad/sad/bad . yeah so the party wasnt so bad. hahahha the best was fun making burgers and the deck possibly? haha .. wow i just fell asleep today made me so tired
oh yeah my mom was randomly like 'yeah so dont ask me to go out for the next 4 weeks' in a normal tone but she's like re-enforcing this one this time. BOO .. i'll jsut go 'volunteering' sometimes haha i love these faces
okay goodnite <3
Private - 1:03 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
===================================
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Sunday, October 30, 2005
hey
yea wasnt so bad
only cause u came w/o u i wouldnt have fun
they main reason i wanted to have this party was cause it gave us another chance to bet togheter
haha u keep me level-headed u make me a better person
best part of the night...cooking and alone time with you
im glad u had fun tho
haha i made steph clean the floor tile by tile
haha if ur mom lets u go out for parties im gonna throw more "parties" and ur the only one invited :)
u0pload the picks asap whe u have time i wanna see haha and nice profile pic
sweet dreams ashley
Private - 1:50 AM - edit it - email - fix language
===================================
FROM ME TO GIBSON
Sunday, November 06, 2005
hello it's 2:08 am and i'm not really that tired because i took a nap and went to sleep in the car. so basically i'm bored so i thought i'd write you a message. i have no clue what to write actually. oh yeah i'm not going to crown palace this week haha my mom was like not this week, sick of dim sum all the time. i cant wait until november is over. i want to go to nyc with you to skate and see the tree, nyc is so nice during xmas cus theres millions of ppl and its cold and holiday-ish. we should find a park and bring a blanket and some food and sit on swings at night too. hmmmmm k i dont want to type anymore. continue sleeping well see you mondayy
Private - 2:22 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
===================================
FROM GIBSON TO ME
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
hey ashley its 5:25 am and i miss you
when i see ut his morning im gonna give u a big fat hug well yesterday was pretty amazing
i hope we can do once more before you go to pittsburgh
i wonder what it would be like if u werent grounded but im kinda glad you're grounded but kinda not cause we can do the sexual stuff couples do but we cant do all the cute stuff couples do together
in december we'll have lots of fun cause then we can do both
ok well im gonna go finish my homework
love you ashley
Private - 5:29 AM - edit it - email - fix language
===================================
FROM ME TO GIBSON
Saturday, November 12, 2005
hiiiiiiiii
you should update miss you <3
Private - 12:01 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM GIBSON TO ME
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
40 more days
and 1 more month till ur bday
Private - 7:55 PM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Sunday, December 25, 2005
merry christmas
i miss you
Private - 12:18 PM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM GIBSON TO ME
Saturday, January 28, 2006
i was watching forrest gump today and i thought of you
Private - 11:53 AM - edit it - email - fix language
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FROM ME TO GIBSON
Saturday, January 28, 2006
happy birthday !!!!
Private - 1:36 AM - edit it - email it - fix language
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FROM GIBSON TO ME
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Happy 1 year and 4 months this Saturday fool
love you
Private - 3:28 AM - edit it - email - fix language
===================================
THE END.
Posted by ashlau at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)
July 22, 2008
i suck!
i'm letting myself waste away by not exercising or slacking off. i'm eating alright but not working out enough. geez. i'm going to get a fat stomach, not that i don't have one already. i need some strict plan but when i go back to michigan atleast i'll have a fully equipped gym...
hmm i'm too lazy to pack for california and i'm never like this. i usually am super excited. hm i need to go shopping again, century 21 on monday before we go to eat at dominco's for restaurant week! i think i am going to pack whatever and just figure out what to wear when i get there.
i'm thinking about getting a brazilian but i'm scared shitless. i have to wait till after vacation though. no time unless i go during lunch or after work on a thursday or friday. i also need to get my brows threaded. too lazy to find any places though. i'm so lazy!! jesus christ.
Posted by ashlau at 08:54 PM | Comments (0)
July 21, 2008
just happy, really happy
i'm so happy and lucky to have Gibson in my life. My life actually feels fulfilled in some way. I guess I am pretty happy with life in general. I know I would always crave to have that special someone if I didn't ever date Gibson and I would think that feeling sucked. I never want to be lonely. I rather have little friends than no love; having so many friends and being well liked is something good too but in the end I think when you have your significant other to spend time with-that's the best part of it all. Some people might disagree with me but I think that is partly because they never experienced the other side or something bad happened in the past with ex boy/girlfriends but that shouldn't mean you should close yourself up. I think I have something good maybe even great and I don't want to let it go. Yesterday I saw this movie with an old couple. Can you imagine growing old with someone for the rest of your life and love them all your life? I think I can and I want to. Gibson is finally back in Athens today from a long weekend in Crete and we are going to skype as usual on Mondays but an hour later due to his class schedule. He sent me a short email that made me happy.
Hey Love
MISS YOU TONS!!! even more than freshman year
classes got puhed back to give everyone a rest because we arrived later than scheduled and super early at like 7am (athens times) we got back to the hotel
but... I can still skype
My calss ends at 10am(NY Time) so lets skype at like 10:20am (Ny time) if you can thats okay ill just come back to the internet cafe again after class cause i have class in 20 minutes and reply to all your emails
and im definitely going to email Geo...sick of the people here
So email me and tell me if you can skype if not thats okay
but just wnted to tell you that i Love love love you
and this trip has made me realize how much i ppreciate you and how i dont appreciate you enough
and also that i do want to do more things with you like adventerous stuff or tourist-y stuff cause i know i would have more fun doing it with you and i really wish you were
I wearing the "I Not Stupid" shirt right now and when i wore it i had a very happy moment of nostalgia
miss you...so much
Love Gibson
To be quite honest, I though I appreciated him but then sophomore year when the whole situation occured..it made me look stupid. After he told me that we should spend time away from each other, i was devestated. This entire summer really made me realize so much.
I can't wait to move in with you, marry you, have kids with you, watch our kids get old together, grow old with each and love each other.
Love you and can't wait until you get back.
Posted by ashlau at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2008
=)
yay Gibson just called me from Crete. I love hearing his voice. Ahh it makes me miss him so much more again. I can't wait until I see him...
I'm cleaning my room and want to go shopping really bad. Okay bye
Love you and miss you Gibson..
Posted by ashlau at 03:53 PM | Comments (0)
July 18, 2008
full as fuck
i just had really good food at The Odeon in tribeca. MAN i love good food. I hope I can afford to eat out at good places in the city in a few years, pshhtt I wish :/
Anyways I can't wait until I get out of work, I am going to drop off my check as well as return that gross red belt from Strawberry. I need to figure out how to sew my dress together so it fits better, I hope I don't mess it up, I'll ask my mom or something.
Hmm trying to decide whether I should go get a manicure and pedicure next week but I think I am going to wait until right before I go to California. I love getting pedicures and I love women that have nice pedicured toes in hot sandals during the summer. Gargh 3 more hours of work then I"m free unil Monday! I am going to wash my car this Saturday (boo too bad I don't have Gibson's help this time) as well as go to see if I can deposit my payroll check I forgot about from over 2 summers ago, dumb I know. Hmm shopping, I want to go shopping really bad, this weekend I am going to go for sure even though I hate the freehold mall with a passion because of the types of people that shop that ugh.
1. new longchamp bag
2. shorts
3. sandals
4. another watch?
5. pearls
6. cute tops
7. belts
8. warmth for Gibson's apartment
9. go to target -- face scrub
ahh i need to stop spending my paychecks!
ps. I MISS YOU SO MUCH
pps. it officially started yesterday, my dilemma is solved...i hope
Posted by ashlau at 01:51 PM | Comments (0)
July 17, 2008
tired
I'm tired but I need to workout before I shower and sleep tonight. I got my paycheck early because Paperno is not going to be in tomorrow, which also means tomorrow I'll have even less work to do. I am not sure if that is good or bad. Anyways paperclippy.com is my new favorite site, they have so many cute gifts and gadgets. Traveling Chic is also pretty sweet, they have really adorable travel items-I might order some before I go to California. WOW, I feel really tired.
I miss Gibson, I can't wait for Monday so I can skype with him again. It will be exact 3 weeks tomorrow since he left.
Posted by ashlau at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)
July 16, 2008
all is well
yes all is well. i think gibson's right, as he puts it:
"Im glad everything is back to normal. Its so hard to fight being so far away cause there no like closure ever and we cant like hug it out and stuff. But Im glad you told me how you felt instead of being passive aggressive like me and I really think that this whole experience will only help our relationship. I dont know why but i just feel like it will."
i'm okay with everything right now. i'm just really exhausted from commuting, waking up early every morning at 6 sucks butt but at least i'm getting paid. only 2 more weeks left, not counting tomorrow and friday. yay friday ==> payday. i need to start planning what to pack for california but for once i feel kind of lazy and i just want to wait until last minute, which is completely not me. i'm so anal about packing and i always make a gazillion lists beforehand.
remember how i said i would kind of slowly remove mr. x from my life. well it's been really hard because he always IMs every night or every other night. i have groups on my aim and i even moved him down into the people-i-talk-to-less group. i never ever IM him first and i've decided to stop writing on his facebook wall or even go to his facebook for that matter awhile ago. i feel like a bitch if i don't answer his IMs and the other day he texted me about how he was going wakeboarding and i didn't respond-that same night, he IMed asking why I didn't respond to his text...blah. I don't even really want to talk to him anymore but I feel like I'm just dumping a friend out of nowhere. I just don't want Gibson to worry about this whole thing ever again and I think this is what it is going to talk in order for that to happen even though Gibson did not say that to me directly. Hmm, he just IMed me again about some movie he just watched and I haven't responded. Maybe I won't, I feel like a horrible bitch.
Anyways, I'm tired and I'm about to crash. I miss you and I can't wait to see you on August 12...seems so far away. god.
Posted by ashlau at 10:56 PM | Comments (0)
July 14, 2008
i'm okay and actually happy AND WTF, IT'S ALMOST 1:30 PM!
I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS 1:30 PM, I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE. WOW YES TIME FLIES BY SO FREAKING QUICK. I THOUGHT IT WAS STILL BEFORE 12 NOON. JESUS BEJESUS! I SHOULD GO EAT LUNCH AFTER THIS.
i ending up sleeping at 3 something in the morning and then got up at 6 am. it was a bad night. but i had a skype meeting with gibson scheduled and it was a bit weird at first because i was upset and sad.
but when gibson and i skyped today, it ended up okay. i got all bottled up with anger, sadness, and crazy emotions which i unleashed at him. i felt bad but in the end, we talked about it somewhat and i feel so much better.
i wrote him this email after and i don't really feel like typing the same thing over so here it is:
Hi love :)
we just finished skyping a little bit ago. i'm so glad i get to talk to you because it helps me cope haha. again sorry for being upset before at you. i really am trying to get used to everything and please please PLEASE don't change what you're doing or remove your pictures or anything if you were thinking it at all because i would feel more bad than i already do. To be quite honest, I am kind of glad i'm experiencing this like you did our freshman year although it's not the best feeling, i understand so much better why you were mad or upset when i thought it wasn't a big deal. i think in the end, it isn't a big deal, it's just friendships and fun. right now, it's just new to me and i just need some time but please don't feel like it's biting you in the ass. i don't think anything you have done is wrong in anyway, i'm just no used to any of it. so please don't feel awkward to take pictures with the arm thing and take naps and let people sit on you lol - i have a feeling you'll be thinking about it and such but i hope you don't and just do it. i really do trust you i think it is just more of a time thing for me to get used to, that's all. i love you with all my heart and i miss you so much but i'm really happy you're having fun and doing new things. although i didn't want to tell you how i felt about everything, i'm glad we talked because it helped me feel so much better about everything and more okay with everything.
any how, you helped me waste about 2 hours at work, which was nice because as you saw, i only got about 2 phone calls and i am doing absolutely nothing right now. only one lawyer is in and no calls, so boring. i wish you were here for restaurant week, i really am excited to go. eating with you is seriously always the best because you help me finish my food and i can eat yours and even though you won't let me pay most of the time, paying isn't awkward, you know? anyways i asked my mom and we are going to do dinner next week sometime and i'm also going to email most of my aunts because they all work in the city.
i will write again tomorrow. sorry for not emailing you the past 2 days or so, i promise to email you everyday. i actually like writing to you so it's nothing big and i have nothing to do at work either.
you probably won't read this before tomorrow (tuesday) but i hope you do well on your test =)
you make me a very happy girl and i'm so in love with you, it's a bit ridiculous. hehe
missing you,
ashley
ps. i haven't watched top design so maybe when you come back, if you have it on your tv, we can finish it together.
pps. i got cellular shades for my room, NO MORE PAPER AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS! hahahahaha
Posted by ashlau at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)
cry baby
i cant sleep, i cry so much i dont know how i can have so many tears, it stings my face and my nose is stuffy
it's 2 am and i have to get up at 6 am...all i can think about is you and your pictures and i can't stop crying right now.
why am i being like this?
i need to sleep but i can't. why do i feel so hurt? why do i feel so sad? i'm dying, someone please help me..i'm so sad and i hate my life
Posted by ashlau at 02:04 AM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2008
i'm a selfish bitchhhh ahh
i cried to myself again. i can't get it or you out of my head. i'm being such a jealous person. i'm angry that you are going out and drinking and partying when you never even liked that stuff but now you're doing it and with a bunch of girls. i hate more than half your pictures. why is your arm around them so much? you don't even put your arm around me when we take pictures, you never take pictures of us. i have so much hate and feel so hurt. i'm crying as i type this now. i hsouldn't hate you. right now i just feel really sad. i miss you so much and knowing that you are hanging out with this best friend of yours in greece all the time hurts me a lot. i hate myself for everything i've done to you and how it made you feel. i want you all for myself and thats the truth. i'm being so selfish right now.
Posted by ashlau at 08:05 PM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2008
insecure?
i am? why do i get sad and upset when i see all his pictures. i'm not fond of many of them. i'm sad he doesn't ever take pictures of us but he does with other girls. i feel like some crazy jealous bitch of a girlfriend that i really don't want to be. i'm crying again. i'm stupid, what is wrong with me? i thought i would be okay with everything but apparently i'm not. i'm going to cry myself to sleep again..gahhh goodnite
Posted by ashlau at 11:26 PM | Comments (0)
July 09, 2008
hungry
its 11:20 pm and i'm getting hungry and my bootay is burning because my charger is on it lol. anyways today on the way back from work while waiting for the subway some weird man comes up to me and says something and i didn't understand so I say 'excuse me' and he goes "I see, I s-s-see some cleavage, just to to to let you know." he had some weird studder but was wearing a dress shirt for god sakes buttoned all the way I swear and my boobs aren't large by any means, i was a bit offended that someone would actually come up to me and tell me that but literally 30 seconds after that he started doing some karate moves by himself like intense stuff, jump kicking and such and punching the columns in the subway and everyone was like WTF. i wasn't that offended anymore because he was some crazy haha. i was trying not to watch him but i couldn't help myself and i was holding back my smile and laughter, it was pretty entertaining for 15 mintues (yes 15 minutes straight...the subway was really delayed for some reason) but he got incredibly sweaty and he was wearing a dress shirt and tie too.. what a weirdo and on the subway he was talking to himself hahaha i love new york city. hmm 2 more days of work then pay day then weekend aka 2 weeks will have gone by since hun left. i miss him so much. i want it to be august soon!!! my life is a bore and i have to get up in 6 hours for work...
Posted by ashlau at 11:20 PM | Comments (0)
July 08, 2008
fuji apples mmm
i love fuji apples so much. i am eating one right now. wow work is really slow today, there are hardly any calls today. chinatown was alrite yesterday but it made me realize that i'd be really bored and lonely if i ever lived by myself in a small apartment or anywhere for that matter. thank god for gibson =). i got some chinese takeout at gibson's favorite place yesterday night and watched the Nanny Diaries then some of Romy and Michele's High School Reunion to refresh my memory of it. I don't know why Shannon and I loved it so much, we watched it about 16 times and memorized the dances. god. Anyways I got pretty tired due to getting up at 5 am so I pretty much crashed at 10:15 pm and slept till 8 am then got up for work. The commute is amazingly close. If I ever get a job somewhere, I want it to be really close to home, I would say no more than 15 minutes total commute. had lunch with jacki today, haven't seen in for awhile, kind of just talked about random stuff? i don't really know but it was good seeing her again. I need to work out, i haven't for the past 2 days and i won't today because i'm in new york. lame. tonight i think i am going to watch the simpson's movie and obviously pack up my stuff and clean up my grandmother's apartment before i leave tomorrow. ah i can't wait to get my hair chopped off and thinned a bit and straightened!
Posted by ashlau at 03:56 PM | Comments (0)
July 07, 2008
happy yet sad
i got to video chat with gibson for a little over an hour on skype today. it was really good seeing his face and hearing his voice. i cried. i miss him so much. i just have to not kill myself for another 5 weeks and i'll be good. i guess he was right, he is now in my place and i am him our freshman year. i don't think that i'm uncomfortable with him going out and being friends with basically all the girls, i just miss him a lot and with that combined, i get so sad. i just miss him so much. i think i trust him, i do. i think not being able to see him kills me and i want to cry. i'm so crazy, what is wrong with me????
Posted by ashlau at 11:02 AM | Comments (0)
July 06, 2008
cramps
i hate getting my period and cramps but at least i'm not pregnant right? haha...
well it's been a week and 2 days since he's been gone, i still miss him so much and i'm dying for it to be august already. i talked to shannon yesterday night about a lot of interesting things, although i knew everything basically, it was interestingly amusing. mike c. called me too but i was talking to shannon online and he was said to call him back later. sometimes i don't know why he calls me randomly but anyways i call him back and he's at a club so why the heck did he tell me to call him back? that was a waste. i think i am slowly starting to push myself to do what gibson did for me with jane. i know it bothers him and i don't want it too. and sometimes i wish gibson didn't do that for me but in so many ways, i'm glad because i hated that girl with all my life. well my turn now. im starting to say goodbye now. it's not even his fault for the jane situation, i just was insecure about everything and he was my first boyfriend, etc and to be quite honest, i didn't really have a good reason to make him just cut her out of his life (except for that one thing that is legit but i'm too lazy to type out the entire situation). as for me, i'm wrong, how could i even like someone else? this summer has made me realize everything i want in life and gibson is 100% a part of it. i'm so stupid for doing that to him, he's always so good to me, more than i deserve sometimes.
work sucks, i'll be staying in nyc most of this week so i don't have to get up 3 hours early and i'm finally getting my hair re-straightened and cut. i was going to donate it to locks of love but it's still not long enough and my hair is getting out of control. too much hair to wash, brush, etc. i can't wait until this friday aka week 2 of work is over, and i am half way done! i can't imagine working at a shitty place for the rest of my life that's why i have to find a job that i enjoy and has a good environment.
i miss you gibson ho. you are truly the love my life. i want to see you, hear your voice, and hold you so badly..
Posted by ashlau at 01:32 PM | Comments (0)
July 04, 2008
going crazy...
happy 4th of july i guess. no one even celebrates the actual holiday. ah i don't care i'm just glad i don't have work tomorrow ($280 this week for 4 days) and I can get some rest.
i want to cry.
i miss you more than you and anyone else knows. i try not to show it but that's all that's on my mind.
it's been only one week. 5 more to go...
3:10 to yuma was decent, didn't like it at first but the ending was good. now i'm crying again, in the shower, in bed typing...my eyes are going to be swollen and ugly in the morning...ehh
love you and miss you terriblyy
Posted by ashlau at 12:11 AM | Comments (0)
July 03, 2008
i'm such a loser
because I cried for about 1.5 minutes before going to be yesterday. Why? Because I miss Gibson so much and i counted the days until I would see him and it's about 40 days...I'm so stupid, it's only 6 weeks but all I ever think about the day I can see him again. I'm so bored and lonely.
i'm starting to like the cat, it's actually not bad at all. i just wasn't used to it the first day but I still prefer dogs over cats 110%. I'm also thinking about bartending class after I come back from California and right before school starts during mid-August-I want to do it with Gibson but I don't know if he'll be interested whatsoever =/. I'll ask anyways.
Posted by ashlau at 09:24 AM | Comments (0)
July 02, 2008
almost over
First week of work is almost over, thank god for 4th of july. I don't really hate work, I'm just bored and it's very tiring commuting more so than anything else. I also wish work was over because that means Gibson is coming home soon and I can see him. My life currently just consist of work, facebooking, checking my email always, eating healthy and exercising, and reading tutorial books on CS3.
I need to look in further on applying to the University of Arts at London. It makes me nervous because it is supposed to be one of the best international art/design schools. I wonder what their acceptance rate is, what if I don't get in? My UCT application is done already, I just need to order a transcript to be sent over along with a copy of my passport and wait. The more I think about study abroad, the less I want to go yet the more I want to go. I love to go to new places and meet new people and have all these new experiences and I definitely want to go to a school that offers good courses in design (partly because umich doesn't have great courses). The other half of me doesn't want to miss an entire semester at Michigan; there is so much going on with people, events, and all the non-academic stuff as well as not seeing Gibson at all, spring break. I think I'll be homesick afterwhile too even though I might be having a good time, 4 months away from home would be alright if I was in Michigan but being away from home AND out of the country is something completely new. But in the end, I think it's worth going for, so I shall try.
You know when people always say:
1. thinking of you always
2. always on my mind
3. can't get you out of my head
4. etc.
I never really believe that it's really ALWAYS but now maybe I can because ALL I ever think about is Gibson, how much I miss him, and how I wish he would fly back or I could fly to Athens.
I miss you. s' agapo
Posted by ashlau at 08:10 PM | Comments (0)
July 01, 2008
haha so cute
so there are two clients here and a little boy and he comes to talk to me about the cat which he's afraid of but he's so tiny and so cute.
this is why i want a little boy. lets see, i'm 20 so in the next 7 years i hope to have a baby boy. little kids don't even really make sense and don't understand what you say half the time, i love it! everything is so small—the clothes, the face, the FEET, so innocent. hmm anyways i'm bored as hell and i've been here for 2 hours with basically little/no work. i hate working but when you're at work with nothing to do, i actually rather have something to do.
ps. so thankful it's YOU and only you.
pps. i miss you so much, i want to hear your voice so badly. you're like a drug. i just wrote you another email because i'm crazyy..ahhh I REALLY MISS YOUU TERRIBLY
Posted by ashlau at 10:47 AM | Comments (0)
June 30, 2008
tears of joy =)
i really had tears of joy (maybe for the first time in my life, i don't know lol) but its kind of silly but it really made my day. gibson sent me an email and i was some crazy person to think he didn't care to contact me literally the second he arrived. basically interent isn't free where they are staying so he had to find an internet cafe and whatever. apparently he prepaid for some internet time so he can email me and such after class, 18 hours just for me as he put it =) gahh i love him to death. gibson's email was everything and more that i needed to know and wanted to hear. everything he wrote was so nice to read and probably makes me seem like a madwoman the past 2-3 days.
today was good and the day isn't half over yet. the experience was like gibson being sent off to fight in wwii and i just got a letter from him after 5 months from the postman.
on another note: first day of work was today as well. they have an office cat and i HATE it already. he scratched my arm, yep. and he jumps on the desk and walks all over the place, apparently this is normal but i could lock him in one of the guy's offices which my boss helped me do. the phones were so confusing to use at first but my boss taught me a shortcut and it was much easier to memorize - maybe i'm just really slow. i would die if i had to be a secretary for the rest of my life unless i was a really high paid secretary, then maybe i wouldn't mind. anyways i just have to survive this week and 3 more weeks before i'm off to california then i get to see GIBSON when i get back =) geez i don't think i've ever missed you this much besides beginning of freshman year and even then at least i could call you and we were in the same time zone.
ps. i need to get tan asap
Posted by ashlau at 12:05 PM | Comments (0)
June 29, 2008
what is wrong with me?
so gibson left 2 days ago and obviously i miss him but this time it's so ridiculous. i believe i'm going crazy right now. i'm used to not seeing him for periods longer than 6 weeks during college but summer always was work and gibson. anyways what bothers me is that its been over 2 days and i haven't heard from him yet. i'm sure he's busy settling in and meeting new people and can't be on the computer 24/7 but i emailed him and i just wanted to hear a 'hello' back but i haven't yet. being the crazy person i am, i go to his facebook page every other minute. i know i'm being irrational but thinking about it everytime makes me want to cry for no apparent reason. i talked to mike m. today and he gave me some good advice or just basically talked sense into me (he's a really good person to talk to, everything he told me made sense although i knew it before, hearing it from someone else was good). i know gibson will care enough to update me on greece when he can. i just really miss him right now. gah now i'm like half crying as i type this stupid thing. i hate when i type and cry because i can never see the screen clearly. okay i'm so silly and crazy. anyways on a lighter note, i start work tomorrow and i'm not really nervous, just anxious? i am not really sure. it seems really boring but hopefully it will take my mind off of missing gibson and being crazy obsessive to as why i haven't heard from him. i need to start doing some cardo tomorrow as well. i really hope july passes by like nothing.
another thing on my mind is sorority. i know my meetings dates and times and it's only summer. i am thinking about how busy my life will be but i rather be busy than bored. i have a love/hate relationship with my sorority as with everything else in my life i guess. i kind of am excited to get a little sis partly because i think i'll be a good big and i have some of the cutest gift ideas.
ps. i think i am going to apply to university of arts london! i'm in love.
Posted by ashlau at 06:40 PM | Comments (0)
May 30, 2008
like opening up an enevelop from college during senior year
so i got mail from the art and design school. opening it was going to be very good or pretty shitty like a college acceptance or rejection letter, the only difference was that i couldn't really be waitlisted in this situtation.
but....
i passed sophomore review WHAT A RELIEF =)
i'm addicted to forever 21
Posted by ashlau at 07:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 09, 2008
ehhh
maybe
i'm too lazy -- but i should work
i need to send my bag to northface this coming week
i need money and def need to clean my room
ashley go die.
Posted by ashlau at 01:26 PM | Comments (0)
April 24, 2008
yum
yum just had some good ass food and i'm leaving ann arbor soon ahh sophomore year is OVER
i'm really excited to see my gibson ho :) hehe
ps.
next year it will NOT be the same, it better not be ashley lau.
i hope this insurance thing works out , my parents are going to kill me :(
Posted by ashlau at 03:40 AM | Comments (0)
April 19, 2008
wow i cant even speak
well got a fucking $$$$ bill today from you know what
i kind of freaked
i'm so alone and by myself on this i dunno what to do.
Posted by ashlau at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2008
loving the weather
i am currently packing - leaving in 11 days!
excited but scared. I need to take an extra studio along with taking other classes possibly, research study abroad, and find another job at home? wow busy summer. yes and gibson will be gone.
i am just going to go to the beach all summer by myself and lay out. how lame.
i need to be skinny again.
Posted by ashlau at 07:54 PM | Comments (0)
April 11, 2008
I need to stop it.
I need to stop it. God damnnit ashley what the fuck is wrong with you?!
ps. denise got so fucked up tonight hahaha and she was bitching out mike who was just trying to help her (we have video proof)
Posted by ashlau at 04:34 AM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2008
jumbles at 4 am
still up at 4 am...doing a project.
i'm so worried about everything. i have so much to do but i feel like writing.
i always wondered what it would be like if i just dropped everything with gibson and started dating other people. that would never happen, only in a dream. i really see myself with gibson-he's the one. this sounds so stuipd. well not that anyone else will read this, unless they want to. i want kids so bad. i want to have that ideal- he's the first and only. i wonder what summer will be like, he'll be gone for 6 weeks. i'll be so bored out of my mind. i need to make money, a lot of money, this summer. then africa? for a whole semester. wonder if that will effect our relationship. maybe i'll meet some hot african ow ow ow haha. jk. i know i will come back and read this and laugh at myself. i'm so silly.
i want a tattoo...
Posted by ashlau at 04:04 AM | Comments (0)
April 08, 2008
OVERWHELMED
projects
interviews
sophomore review
financial stuff
moving out
finals
i deactivated facebook. school is so hard. but life is generally great. the weather is beautiful. i am super excited to see gibson yet i actually will miss michigan.
i'm really really worried for oceanography FUCK
Posted by ashlau at 02:45 AM | Comments (0)
April 04, 2008
what the
this past week was good and bad.
hbo called but i was in class and i called back and left a message. i hate phone tag!
cnn internship !! but in atl...and unpaid so yeahh.
got an A- on my histart exam which i thought i seriously did poorly on
did bad on my oceanography exam which i knew i did poorly on but ahh getting it back sucked so so much, this is truely the worst class ive had in michigan...
greek week was great. placed 3rd YEAH SARAJEVO! i'm actually sad that i want to study abroad because i will miss winter semester and greek week and just graduation of the year above me, of which there are a bunch of people i know leaving :/
my throat really hurts from sing and variety..but i love loosing my voice but i haven't lost my voice, it just hurts. maybe when i wake up tomorrow it will be gone! i hope. such a strange wish right?
bar louie with apo tomorrow!
evne though this is my free week, i just realized i have sooo much stuff to get done and sunday i will be so busy because i am going to the DIA for histart!!
alrite peace out home fries
Posted by ashlau at 03:20 AM | Comments (0)
March 31, 2008
I miss Gibson...
I miss you. I'm sad you're going to Greece for the summer for a study abroad but at the same time I'm so proud of you. I remember when you argued with me about this and how you didn't want to go. Now look at you, you're freaking going to Greece. You're going to study abroad before me, someone who wants to go so bad. You're so cute because you're nervous about going and worried about where you will cut your hair! Such a dork, nonetheless a cute one.
I am stil writing my paper - it's currently 5:34 am. I still have a color assignment to complete before 9 am and a about one more page of my paper to write. Why am I so bad at writing? I have no ideas on what to write, when I think I do - they suck, I have such poor vocabulary, and I have poor grammer or is grammAr? I am getting so hungry. I want breakfast but I want to sleep so badly. The rest of the the eastern time zone is sleeping for the most part. Why I am up? Blahh.
Later home fries.
Posted by ashlau at 05:32 AM | Comments (0)
March 30, 2008
Sorry
Well I was a bitch. My bad. It's okay now.
BUT I HAVE A FUCKING PAPER DUE TOMORROW AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE!
good bye homies
Posted by ashlau at 08:58 PM | Comments (0)
Whatever
that's how i feel right now . fucking whatever
i dont care anymore.
good night
Posted by ashlau at 04:41 AM | Comments (0)
YEAH SARAJEVO!
Greek week has been really fun so far. You know how I was indifferent about my sorority at first but now I am starting to love it. The only thing is, it's still hard to meet all the girls, sometimes I see them around and I know we're 'sisters' but I don't really know them. It's slow for me in that way but other than that, I absolutely adore it
On another note, I have so much work to do. I have a paper due Monday, sophomore review things due, and a life full of things to balance! Ahhhh.
And yes, on another note, yet again: We still haven't talked, this is weird but it's for you, right?
Posted by ashlau at 12:27 AM | Comments (0)
March 29, 2008
Why is this bothering me so much?
I don't understand why. I apparently can't keep friends for a really long time. Every time I make a good friend, something happens. I try to keep these friendship but maybe I just suck at making good friends in general. Once something happens, I try to make it normal again but that never happens.
People always leave. (hahaha .... now i feel like depressed petyon from one tree hill)
Posted by ashlau at 01:31 AM | Comments (0)
March 28, 2008
Nope, I was right!
Why would I doubt myself? I knew something was different. Okay well I tried and I failed? Should I give up? Whatever this is, I hate you for it.
On a happier note, I got a phone interview with HBO for a summer internship that pays $10/hr! I hope I get it.
Note to self: never again ashley, never again...
Posted by ashlau at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)
March 27, 2008
Maybe I was wrong...
Haha (see title).
Anyways. the weather is shitty due to rain. Ann Arbor sometimes really sucks. Sophomore review is killing me. I just realized half the work I've done the past 1.75 years here aren't works of art I love, let alone even like. What I am doing here? I don't know what I want to do with my life, career-wise. Other things in life, oh I do.
I just want to marry and have kids and travel with my family. I don't want to work at all.
Note to self: STOP going to bubble island! YOU NEED TO EXERCISE AND EAT BETTER, the fucking summer is coming.
Posted by ashlau at 04:18 PM | Comments (0)
March 26, 2008
Confused by you, just a little...
Okay I've decided to use thing mblog thing again. I am currently at the library and a bit confused on why you won't say anything. Maybe I am just over-analyzing things.
Ahh APO emails flood my inbox every hour, it's uncalled for. I am obsessed with checking my email, I need to get a Blackberry; I really like the one Carmen has.
I am bored. I want to bake cupcakes. I want to go home. I want to sleep in Gibson's bed and be a cuddle hog. I want to tan. Yum, my Greek salad is good.
PS. I KNOW you got my messages...thanks a lot.
Posted by ashlau at 11:57 PM | Comments (0)
