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March 09, 2006
Samara Pearlstein
Samara Pearlstein
Artistus biologicalis (sub spec. soxfanicus)
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Subphylum: Vertebrata
Class: Mammalia
Order: Primates
Family: Hominidae
Subfamily: Artistidae
Anatomy: The Samara Pearlstein is a bipedal, omnivorous creature similar in general structure to most of the hominids, with a brown pelt and blue eyes, and smallish canines. It has a few distinguishing characteristics that may be seen by even the most amateur eye; chief among these are painfully artsy glasses and a Red Sox hat of moderate filthiness.
Behavior: The Samara Pearlstein is generally docile and retiring, preferring sleep to all other activities, but can be roused to terrifying frenzies when argued with, especially when said argument concerns whether Brandon Inge is better suited to third base or catcher. It spends its days in the utterly fruitless manner of so many similar species, either using its dexterous paws to create art of dubious quality, or else foraging through various sources to research obscure biological facts.
Range: The Samara Pearlstein is a migratory species, deviating however from usual migratory patterns by making its seasonal movements in an East-West fashion, as opposed to the more common North-South migration. It spends its falls and winters in Michigan, generally entering a stupefied state of near-hibernation, using as its burrow the U of M School of Art and Design. In the spring and summer it returns east to Massachusetts, where it gets violently sunburned as often as it is able within the confines of Fenway Park.
Posted by gharp at March 9, 2006 11:51 PM