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March 25, 2008
Another Little Lifetime Ago
Everytime I step out
and then step back in
another little lifetime
has passed me by.
Glad for the moments
that made up the break,
Sad for the moments
I have missed here.
Tradeoffs are hard to measure.
Regret is harder still.
I would not have been content
to be here,
knowing you were there.
I am still not content
with being there,
while you were here.
As just another little
lifetime ago passes,
I'm trying holding on to it,
so I can pass it on to you.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2008
Stayed
I should have stayed where I was
Then it wouldn’t have hurt so much
To look back on what I thought was ok.
I couldn’t find
what I was looking for yesterday
an invitation – with a date
I thought I had more time
But as usual, I was late.
I guess I should be glad
That I was spared that other pain
The one that comes back
After I put in so much effort
To make it seem
Like it’s gone away.
It’s so hard to be happy sometimes
It’s so hard to cage my jealous heart
There are reasons I did not get
what I asked for,
and I know what they are
and I know it was all for the better
but when you took away that half
a lot of what was left was bitter
and that’s been my aftermath.
So, is this what I wanted
To make it easier to leave
When the time comes
I thought I was too tired to start over
But I’m too disappointed to stay here, too
It’s coming time to leave again
I know that’s what I’ll do.
I know I’m headed for the road again
It’s just a matter of time.
I won’t bother looking for another you
Because that’s something I know
I’ll never find.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 08:09 PM | Comments (0)
March 14, 2008
There's Not Enough Cinnamon in the World
I love cinnamon; especially the freshly grated, extra zingy, tongue tingling kind. I crave the stuff. I recently found out why. Scientific research, another one of my favorite things, indicates all kinds of good things about this bark.
The newest research I came across indicates that, supposedly, sniffing cinnamon can improve brain function and memory. I think this refers to smelling, not snorting. At least I hope so, because if not, this could lead to a whole new American Cinnamon Huffing Epidemic. If this were to happen, as least there’d be a handy acronym for it; ACHE.
Initially, I thought, perhaps, the time had come for me to begin developing a cinnamon-scented cologne. However, there’s a good chance there’d be a lot more women walking into doors, falling off curbs, and being just way too perky for anyone’s good. The “lick� factor might be a problem, too. I’d hate to see a rise in the stranger-licking criminal conduct rate. There’s already too much of that going on in the world.
Maybe all we really need is a highly-caffeinated, teeth-whitening, memory-improving, checkbook-balancing, age-slowing, weight-loss gum that contains cinnamon, honey, orange essence, and green tea.
I’ll get right to work on that and let you know when I’ve made my first million.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 12:28 PM | Comments (0)
Going from 5 to 45 in 62,899,200 seconds
As a diabetic, I have discovered that without regular, proper feeding, I can easily turn in to a lethargic little blobby belligerent. It’s not pretty.
It is, however, very similar to what happens when it is 6:40 pm on a Friday night and I find myself stuck in the 25-item-limit express line at the market behind someone with express-entitled beliefs and 2 carts of groceries. I become a major meltdown, with stupendous sarcasm abilities. Friends laugh at me when this happens, strangers just change check out lanes.
I really do try to avoid both situations, but I have that “just let me do this one more thing…� mentality. Especially now that I am giving up nearly an hour a day of my already limited personal time to exercise.
Maybe “giving up� isn’t the right term. Reassigning? Redirecting? Rejoicing?
Yeah, rejoicing! Minus many pounds, I’ve lowered my A1C to a very respectable 6.1 as of last week.
It’s taken me 2 years of exercise and dieting to get to this point, and I still have a ways to go. It will probably be, at least, another 31,449,600 seconds. Through it all, I’ve learned a lot.
I started out in January 2006, trying to make it 5 minutes on the lowest possible treadmill setting. That was the best I could do at the time. Eventually, I started talking myself into another minute or two, and worked my way up to 10, 20 and 30 minute walks. I average 45 minutes a night now. Some days, I do a little less, some days I do a little more.
I discovered that I need to be a constant eater. I carry at least one type of food with me most of the time. Granola bars, small cans of V8 juice, and nuts are my favorite quick-fixes.
I’ve also learned other cool things. Like how to use a calculator to figure the number of seconds in a year. And, how going from 5 minutes a day of exercise to 45 minutes a day, can change a lot of you to a lot less of you.
Don’t get discouraged.
Don’t try to sprint your way to health.
Don’t be unreasonable with your expectations.
Don’t try to calculate the number of seconds in a year, or two years, if you haven’t eaten lunch, yet. Especially, if you tend to be a cranky unfed diabetic, like me.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 12:01 PM | Comments (0)
March 12, 2008
Linguistic Obesity
Eureka! I know why so many Americans are overweight. It’s a linguistics problem.
We shorten everything possible into abbreviations. Now, I’m no scientist, but from everything I’ve read about exercise, the more movements you make, the more caloric energy gets used.
Here’s an example. I overheard the copier repair fellow (who is here so often that he might as well just be on our staff payroll) say into his cell phone:
“They’re due for a PM anyway.� 9 syllables. Now, suppose, he un-abbreviated?
“They are due for a preventive maintenance check, anyway.� 16 syllables, resulting in 7 more syllables, and about 2 more seconds of lip, tongue, cheek, and possible matching hand movements. That’s 78% more exercise.
Here’s another potential solution for helping Americans slim down.
1st example sentence from above = 30 key strokes.
2nd version of the same sentence = 58 key strokes.
Results: 28 more key strokes, resulting in 28 additional finger movements. That’s almost 93% more exercise.
Come to think of it, here’s another potential: Speed dial versus hand dial.
Speed dial: Contacts, scroll, push, dial. 4 Finger movements
Hand dial: 555-5555, dial. 8 finger movements. 100% more exercise.
Long distance? 1-555-555-5555, dial. 12 finger movements. 200% more exercise.
I could probably get a good sized government grant for studying this phenomenon.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 05:50 PM | Comments (0)
I Like Nice Bumper Stickers
I like nice bumper stickers.
Have a Nice Day, World Peace, Hooked on Quack… sayings like that. I have to wonder though about the unhappy bumper sticker mind set.
Why permanently plaster your vehicle with stupid angry bumper stickers of things that annoy you?
I mean, every time you load your groceries and then unload your groceries you see your own gripe reminding you of how annoyed you are with a particular situation!
The one that set me in this direction was “George W. Bush. Worst 'President' Ever.�
OK, so let me get this straight: You’re willing to devalue your vehicle by damaging the chrome or paint on your tricked out 2007 Explorer, in order to remind yourself every day, multiple times, that George W. Bush was not your presidential candidate of choice?
Hmm. Does that really make you feel great? Maybe you should let it go.
Oops, you can’t! It’s permanently stuck to the butt of your gas guzzling, environmentally unfriendly SUV. Have A Nice Day.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 02:26 PM | Comments (0)
March 06, 2008
Bear-ly Deconstruction
My sister-in-law made a darling quilt for a friend’s daughter, and I offered to make a matching Teddy Bear from the scraps.
I have a pretty tight deadline for this project, and I really needed to get a lot of that bear completed last night. However, nothing was going well.
The sewing machine tension decided to over-tense, the upper thread tangled in the bobbin works, the leader foot kept jamming, the thread broke numerous times, I ran out of bobbin thread, and finally the sewing machine needle broke.
It was then that I noticed I forgot to include the bear’s ears while sewing her head, and her back seam was not in line with her front seam. Here I was trying to do something nice, and all I got was frustration.
I threw everything into an angry pile on the dining room table and gave up. I walked away thinking, “Really, LORD! What am I supposed to be learning from this?�
Before I left for work this morning, I grabbed the sad semi-assembled bear and threw it in my tote bag planning to deconstruct everything during my lunch hour.
Happily, I found I had some time to spare while waiting to pick up my first passenger of the morning. So, I grabbed the ear-less head and my brand new seam ripper hoping to get the mistake undone quickly.
It should have been a fairly easy task, but even with the sharp new ripper, I had to painstakingly remove each over-tensioned stitch one by one. Being extra careful not to accidentally tear the fabric, I wasn’t getting anywhere fast.
That’s when the “Oh!� of realization hit me.
It’s sort of like what the LORD must be going through with me.
I am stitched so tightly to my past that each thread must be gently and slowly torn from me. Ripping away my foundation too quickly would just leave me with tiny tears and in scattered pieces. All of my parts need to be patiently repositioned, and realigned, so I may be re-made, re-souled, and re-minded.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 09:39 AM | Comments (0)
March 04, 2008
Adaptability / Negativity
I have realized that I am adaptable.
Living in New York City, I developed a hard, aloof edge and wore mostly black. I saw no reason to ever live anywhere else, when everything I could ever want was easily accessible in the Big Apple.
When I lived in Massachusetts, I bought khakis, duck shoes, and came to eventually understand that “you could pahhhk your cahhh for only a qwatta, and great idears could be found in the ly-berry.�
When I moved to Tennessee, I discovered floral prints, drank sweet tea, and defensively developed a sweet southern drawl in a vain attempt to understand what I was hearing. (Reference: Humor: That's Random: Child's Name?)
When I moved to Michigan, I thought there was some sort of strange inbreeding here that caused folks to run around barefoot, wearing shorts when the temperature hit 50 degrees.
8 years later, I have adapted. Now, I ditch the winter coat and pull out the spring wind-breaker as soon as the temperature hits 50.5 degrees. I guess there are still some limits to my adaptability. Before we get too far in to this, please note that in my little world: Adaptability and Flexibility are not the same thing. (Reference: Humor: Flexibility Nola 2007)
Because of my adaptive nature, if I am surrounded by negative people all day, I become negative. The problem is not always easily remedied. I am, unfortunately, not in a situation that promotes drastic change. I cannot just pick up and change jobs, or move to another city, right now. Although, I readily admit those actions have previously been my way of dealing with many issues, I must find a way to remedy my current situation by influencing it.
Responding to negativity with positive encouragement is not easy, and not always well received. The answer to another’s whining, “It’s only Tuesday!� would be my cheerful “At least it’s not Monday!� And believe me, I have found that if I dare to meet my conversationalist’s glance after such an upbeat attempt, I am usually treated to a “look� that implies “I’d sure like to smack you upside your head.�
Does this stop me from promoting cheeriness? You bet it does, on a daily basis.
But like a Jack Russell terrier at the end of a tow-rope that’s been tied to a six-year-old pedaling downhill on a tricycle, I sometimes just don’t know when to let go. So, I keep trying. I keep trying with certain people, trying to pick my battles carefully.
Not every minute of every day, because I sincerely believe that the “looks� harbour a very real potential to eventually turn in to very real, physical smacks.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 04:26 PM | Comments (0)
No Brakes!
Driving through the UM campus close to quittin’ time is always a challenge.
I don’t usually have to do it, but our campus driver was sick on Monday, so I had the pick-up route. You know how sometimes things happen so fast, that it always takes so much longer to relate them? Well, this is one of those stories.
I saw the situation coming, and came up with a few plans to deal with it in just matter of seconds. The Suburban was stuck in the left-hand lane behind a car making a left-hand turn. They were both at a complete stop. I figured he might try to bolt in front of me, but he didn’t. He didn’t creep up, or turn his front tires, or even take his foot off the brake. So, I kept my course in the right lane.
Just when my driver’s side door was at his right front bumper, the non-signal using and obviously, non-mirror-using driver, was apparently overcome with rush hour travel desperation, and finally decided to get in to my lane.
I swerved hard right, and somehow missed the very poor lane-change planner. This is when I wish we had access to other people’s radio frequencies. I would have tuned in to his station and asked him, “Was it worth scaring us, risking injuries and vehicle damage just to make it to the next light a few seconds quicker?�
I read a Reader’s Digest article a few years ago about a woman who died because she was trying to beat a light. The story gave statistics about how much time people really do, or actually don’t save by passing other drivers. I can't be sure I'm quoting exactly, but I think the average time "saved" was something miniscule like 15 to 30 seconds. It’s just not worth the risk.
Linda, who keeps me laughing, and was in the co-pilot’s seat, was not happy about the near miss. She felt cheated too because she had neither the time to use her famous finger-flying, “You should have stopped� hand-signal, or to open the window and scream “No brakes!� as we squeezed past the disaster that could have been.
We started giggling about other possible uses of the phrase, “No Brakes!� One of the more amusing ones was the idea of suddenly throwing our office door open, yelling “No Brakes!� into the hallway. We figured after that, we would just sit tight and see who, if anyone, stopped in to check on us.
That got me thinking. And thinking some more. See Faith: No Brakes
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:42 PM | Comments (0)
No Brakes! (2)
So, a near accident started me thinking. (See Humor: That's Random: No Brakes!)
Whenever I would say to Jeff, “I’ve been thinking, and…� He would roll his eyes in an exaggerated expression of fear, and say, “Oh, no, here we go!� It was a funny little joke between us because sometimes I can come up with some really bizarre theories about things. (Reference: Humor: That's Random: Linguistic Obesity)
So, here I am trying to reduce my heart rate after a traffic incident, and Linda’s making me laugh by mock-yelling, “Everyone look out! No Brakes!� Once the continued ride home settled down a bit, I start thinking about what could happen if I committed to living my life that way. “No Brakes!�
There’s a song that I have been listening to over and over lately that really says what I’ve been struggling with. From Casting Crowns, the lyrics are “Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender, without losing all control?�
I know that answer to this one is “not very close.� Surrendering means loss of all control, and then continued, constant recognition of that loss. I realize that I’d have to choose “No Brakes!� to get to where I want to be spiritually; to move me from this place, to a deeper one in my heart and soul.
This leads me to another great song, “Look Heart, No Hands.� recorded by Randy Travis. It’s a song that I’ve known for years and have loved since the first time I heard it. Only now it has a brand new meaning for me in the context of having a child-like trust in God.
“I remember how it used to feel
Ridin' down ol' two mile hill
Tennis shoes up on the handlebars
Payin' no mind to the passin' cars
No doubts, no fears
Just like when you are here.
No chains, no strings
No fences, no walls
No net, just you
To catch me when I fall
Look heart, no hands.�
So, the way I see it, trusting God enough to take your hands off the handle bars, and putting your foot flat on the floor away from the brakes in your life are the same idea.
Ok, so I had the moment of clarity. But, I’m still on the crest of the hill trying to decide if I’m going to let loose and fly down it, or continue to hold on to my ever-present fear of losing all control.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:38 PM | Comments (0)
March 03, 2008
Marriage
My husband’s grandmother was, at one time, the oldest living member of Tecumseh United Methodist Church. So, when I was finally able to rolling-pin Jeff into marrying me, we made an appointment with the Pastor. (Seriously, there was a rolling pin involved.)
We were honest when questioned about our beliefs. Jeff said he didn’t believe (at the time) that you needed the Church to be pious and a disciple. His faith and prayer had carried him through a farming accident and his recovery. I said that I was raised in a Jewish home, and that although we were not particularly devout, my father had asked that our wedding ceremony not contain any reference to Jesus.
Ok. Looking back, boy was that a ridiculous request. When we had finished with our announcements, we sat there in the church office in silence. After a few moments, Reverend McKinstry shared his thoughts. As a man of GOD, with his given beliefs, he would not perform our wedding ceremony as requested.
It may seem strange to you, but we weren’t particularly upset by this turn of events. Our love was strong enough to overcome our differences. We were sure we could find someone else to marry us. That’s a whole different, and rather amusing story. You’ll probably find it under Humor one of these days.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:41 PM | Comments (0)
Funerals
For us there ended up being a lot of funerals to attend.
First, my father died after a long illness, then my mother-in-law passed away the same year. We received a call that Jeff’s mother was in medical trouble and was being taken by ambulance to the hospital. I went to Jeff’s grandmother’s house, while Jeff and his brother were at the hospital. The front door bell rang, and when I answered it, I found Pastor David on the other side.
He came in and sat with Nannee and me as we waited for some news on how Sally was doing. After while he said to me, “You look very familiar to me.� Where upon Nannee replied, “Oh, no. You wouldn’t know Jodi. She’s Jewish!� I recognized the recognition in his eyes. It was then that the boys and some friends showed up and gave us the sad news that Sally was in a diabetic coma and not likely to recover. I remember clearly the very strong, very long hug Pastor David gave me.
Dad, and Sally’s passing were interspersed with my younger cousin, our best friends’ step-mother and 2 friends’ fathers (3 different friends), a great aunt and a great uncle on my husband’s side, and Jeff’s grandmother’s neighbor. With the exception of my father in Florida and my cousin in Connecticut, all of the funerals were officiated by Rev. McKinstry. We just kept running in to him, and developed a casual relationship, of sorts.
My husband’s grandmother had been developing some medical problems, so for a while, she came to live with us. In the beginning it was on and off, due to her independent and stubborn nature. One night while at our house, she used the air-horn alarm Jeff had given her, to wake us up and let us know she was in trouble. After emergency surgery, and some complications, Nannee passed away in the Toledo hospital. Pastor David was there with us as soon as he could be.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:40 PM | Comments (0)
Losses
My father passed away without even making it to our first wedding anniversary.
After Dad passed away, my family went through some not-so-abnormal changes. We pulled away from each other a little, disagreed a lot, and dealt with our grief in very different ways.
For me, the situation only got worse when my mother-in-law died 5 months later.
Two years later, my husband’s grandmother, who had been living with us, passed away.
It was then, we received a call from a very nice member of Tecumseh United Methodist Church. She was just checking on us, seeing if we needed anything, offering her support. We talked for a few minutes, and she asked if she could call me back in a few weeks, just to see how we were doing. I said “Sure.� True to her word, Gail Wilson called us back, and we talked some more. Two simple phone calls were all it took to feel “invited.� Shortly thereafter, we began to “visit� church on a semi-regular basis.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:39 PM | Comments (0)
Membership
It was a long, and complicated series of events (marriage, losses, funerals) that sparked Jeff’s desire to reconfirm his beliefs.
We began going to church more and more regularly, not just for funerals, anymore. When it was announced at church one morning, that new membership classes were beginning, Jeff wanted to go. I said I would gladly go with him.
I was curious, as I had been raised in a Jewish home. I wanted to learn the source of Jeff’s strength, and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my husband, in any way possible.
We already knew Jeff’s health was failing, and I realized this would be important to him in the years to come.
I did not expect to find Jesus. I did not expect to convert. I did not expect the great changes that were coming in my life, for better and worse. I did not expect the great comforts I’ve found, either.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:38 PM | Comments (0)
Baptism
Like most families, my brothers and I are very much different, yet sometimes, very much the same.
The profound loss of many loved ones, the stress of my full-time job, the expenses of our retail store, the failing health of my husband, and my own weight issues, drove me into semi-seclusion. I have a habit of “turtling� when I am overwhelmed.
As a result, my younger brother and I had not spoken much for almost a year. Then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, he called with an invitation. My nephew, Mitchell, was going to be baptized, and Todd had called to invite Jeff and me to attend. I did not hesitate to say, “Yes.�
But, I was surprised at what came next. “There’s something else you should know,� he said. “I too am getting baptized.�
What a lightening bolt moment for me; I credit this to be my first in a series of lovingly patient God-smacks.
For nearly a year, Todd and I had been on the same path and did not even know it. For nearly a year, we had been investing in knowledge, and discovering our own beliefs. I said, “I’ll come to yours, if you come to mine.�
It turned out that our baptisms were scheduled just a few weeks apart. We attended each other’s with great joy. I still tear-up thinking about the circumstances surrounding our individual acceptance of Christ, and the re-convergence of our lives.
God was laying the foundation for a greater love, and providing a rock-solid source of strength that only HE knew that both Jeff and I would need in the days ahead.
jak
Posted by jaselin at 03:37 PM | Comments (0)