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April 16, 2008
Praying / Prying
Monday, March 17, 2008 1:00 am. I woke up praying. I woke up needing to write.
“Dear GOD, I’m still not 100% sure who you are or where you, but I know now, without a doubt, that you know who I am and exactly where I am."
This is what I needed: a wake-up call. The reminder that I must give up all control. Go where I am lead on a daily basis; not just for a few weeks throughout the year.
In order to do that, I need intangible confidence in you. It’s when I consider confidence in tangibles that my mind refuses to let go. Logic is so closely connected to control. The requirements of order and routine in my universe are always in the forefront.
So, perhaps, the call to mission work is a gentle breaking-in. A persistent prying that moves my fingers from the reins in short spurts, conditioning my ever-whirling mind to allow me to practice the freedom of having nothing to hold on to. Allowing me to drift in whichever way the LORD takes me. Showing me I should lay down my fears and step over them; step past them. Showing me the flow in the current, promising I will be safe there.
Even as I write these words, I cannot completely fathom the entire message of the power that moved me tonight. Maybe now that it has surged, I can find some peace before morning.
jak
Posted by jaselin at April 16, 2008 06:57 AM