jakorte's blog

Friday, March 14, 2008

Getting In The Car for my second mission trip was way more challenging than the first time. The first time, I felt I was answering an obvious calling. The second time, I had concerns, fears, reservations and anticipations. I had work issues to deal with, financial issues to deal with, plus the regular usual waffling issues I deal with every day.

There was no God-smack, but there was still the pull. I knew I wanted in, but I couldn’t clearly tell if it was the right thing for me to be doing at this particular point in my life. I couldn’t stand the thought of a team being down there working without me, but feared that a smaller group would require greater work skills than I had. I worried about being more of a burden than a help.

I was also concerned about the group size. Going from my first mission group experience with 49 volunteers, to this group of 14 volunteers was bound to be different. I was thankful for the anonymity last time, and not so sure how I felt about the potential lack of it this time. I imagined it would be harder to remain anonymous in such a small group. I expected I could learn a lot more about others’ faith, as well.

I just couldn’t make up my mind. Yes, I do realize that I should never have been trying to decide what it was that I wanted, in the first place. I truly desired GOD to lead me, but I hadn’t heard anything in so long that I began to really worry. Maybe that one message was it. Maybe I wasn’t going to get another one.

So, there was my dilemma. Do I continue to act upon it, and hope for the best, or do I wait for something remarkable to set me in motion?

Nothing remarkable happened. So, after a while, I decided that was my answer. GOD was giving me the freedom to do this on my own, without any smacking or signs. Was I willing to continue to answer, without continually being asked?

Yes, I was.

jak