jakorte's blog

April 7, 2008

I couldn’t finish The Purpose Driven Life. I was getting way too confused. I’m sure I was over analyzing the exercises, but it was too much for me. The struggle to find my purpose became depressing. I couldn’t see it. I know what I like to do. I know what I’m good at. But I didn’t see a useful purpose for any of it. It’s not the sort of stuff “leadership� is made of.

Even so, when the next Sunday school series, “Spiritual Gifts,� was announced, I had an interest. Yep, it was that good ol’ pit bull mentality coming out in me. I wanted the answer so badly I was still hanging on; lock jawed and blurry eyed, and probably way too close to the problem.

About half way through class, we were given permission to open our “gifts� from the group leader. The packages were cute, brightly colored, ribbon festooned and tube like. Inside was a “self-guided� questionnaire entitled, “Finding Your Spiritual Gifts� by C. Peter Wagner.

The first few pages held 135 questions. In the center of the booklet was one of those dreaded “bubble� answer sheets, just like the ones we used in grade school. The type that required a # 2 lead pencil, and complete accuracy in filling in the dizzying columns of numbered little ovals. With a mounting horrific pressure on your little adolescent head, you knew that if you ended up just one little bubble off course, you were bound to fail the exam and ruin your entire future.

The very first question stumped me.
“I have a desire to speak direct messages that I receive from God in order to edify, exhort or comfort others.�

Um, could someone clarify this, please? Was this supposed to be literal? Did this mean speaking with voices or could speaking through writing be considered? Exhort? Oh, boy. I was in trouble here. I asked, and amazingly enough, just like in grade school I heard, “Just go with your first reaction.�

Unfortunately, “Panic� wasn’t one of the choices! I soldiered on, but Sunday school was short and no one was able to finish their evaluation exercise. We would have to complete them at home.

My first reaction, since I was instructed to act upon it, was to leave the thing in the car to brown and curl in the falsely multiplied heat of a Michigan early-spring sun. However, it somehow made it in to the house despite that intention. I made myself a sandwich, and some iced tea, and decided if I was going to torture myself, I could at least multi-task. Out to the porch I went; food, pen, pamphlet, and all. I finished it in about an hour. I got off the bubble marks a few times, both numerically and physically. But, I kept at it. The sheet wasn’t pretty, but at least it was done.

Another 20 minutes or so, and all the little blackened in number were subtotaled at the end of each line. Then came the page-flipping dance to try and determine what my Spiritual Gifts might be. Another 20 minutes or so, and the results were there in blue and white. And red, as I realized that my normally pale skin had turned into a patchy lobster colored mess.

I went in to take a cool shower to try to lower the damage to my skin, and to keep my brain from frying as well. I don’t think I have ever been so excited, or God-smacked, in my life as when I went back to that booklet a little later to see what my Spiritual Gifts were guessed to be. I haven’t made it to the suggested reflective scriptures yet, but I am sure I am pleased so far.

Spiritual Gift 1: Administration.
“The gift of administration is the special ability that GOD gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to understand clearly the immediate and long-range goals of a particular unit of the Body of and to devise and execute effective plans for the accomplishment of goals.�
Once, at a company retreat, I was asked to identify myself with an animal and explain my reasoning. I chose to describe myself a giraffe. Keep in mind I am only 5’3�or so tall, so there was some confusion about this. I sometimes miss what is happening right below my feet, because I have a tendency to focus farther ahead and find myself planning for those goals and issues.
As far as the devising and executing of plans goes… well, yeah! That’s me!

Spiritual Gift 2: Knowledge
“The gift of knowledge is the special ability that GOD gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to discover, accumulate, analyze and clarify information and ideas which are pertinent to the Body of Christ.�
Research, lists, spread sheets: I live for this stuff. Analyzing and clarifying? Remember, I got stumped at question # 1. That’s me!

Spiritual Gift 3: A Tie!
How typical of me… Helps and Service.
Helps: “The gift of helps is the special ability that GOD gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to invest the talents they have in the life and ministry of other members of the Body, thus enabling those others to increase the effectiveness of their own spiritual gifts.�
Service: “The gift of service – sometimes called the gift of volunteer –is the special ability that GOD gives certain members of the Body of Christ to identify the unmet needs involved in a task related to GOD’s work, and to make use of the available resources to meet those needs and help accomplish the desired results.�

What I find strange is that though they are similar, the two are considered to be different. The explanation offered is, “The gift of helps may be confused with the gift of service. Someone with the gift of helps usually aids one individual, while a person with the gift of service is willing to do whatever is necessary for a cause or project.� Yet, for me they are equal, in that they are supportive and enabling. Helping the one person helps the entire cause. It’s all inter-related. I’m not sure if this way of thinking can be considered a gift or not, but that’s how I think. That’s me!

This is how exactly how I have been desiring and imagining my mission service to be.

jak