jakorte's blog

Sunday, March 16, 2008

It’s really hard to cram nine years into less than an hour. It’s like a Madeleine L’Engle tesseract. I’ve jumped from old, to new, back to old. It’s impossible to briefly fill in that gap or completely explain the nuances of lives lived.

There are people you hold onto, maybe not tightly, but continually. These are the friends you think of almost daily. Friends you never let go, even though time may go by more quickly than we ever imagined. I have a few of those. It seems everywhere I’ve lived I’ve managed to pick up one near-sister friend of the soul.

Changing directions throughout my life, I left each one behind physically, but never emotionally. Connecticut, Massachusetts, Florida, New York, New Jersey, Ireland, Tennessee, and Michigan – you know who you are. As sisters, we easily jump continuums of time and find ourselves no further apart than we ever were. In some cases we find that we are that much closer, even though so many things occurred without me, or without you.

I still think of your daughter as a 4 year-old. I missed the passing of your Mom. You missed the passing of my Dad. You never got to meet my husband. We’ve missed celebrating our career changes. We’ve missed birthdays, and seasons. We’ve changed jobs, changed our hair styles, and changed our outlooks on life. Some things, like our age and eyeglass prescriptions, have been changed without our consent.

In between placing orders and sipping coffee, there were so many reunion questions to ask. And so many more that didn’t get asked. But more important than that, I just loved sitting across from you; talking, laughing, crying, sharing.

I’d like to say that I don’t know what kept me away from you all this time, but that’s not entirely true. Pain, embarrassment, pride, selfishness, fear all top the list. Things like vanity and denial are prominent on that list, too.

I realize that the paths we’ve taken have all been for good reasons. Although, I still mourn the missing years, I will embrace the joy of looking forward. I want more talking, laughing, crying and sharing, and I want it to continue for a very, very long time.

jak