jakorte's blog

2/23/09 TUMC Lay Reader Doug Ketchum started out with: “It’s not just winter out there! It’s the season of epiphany!”
And ended with: “I ask you now, are you living in the Glory of GOD? Unveil your face.”

I have been living veiled. In fact, I have made an extreme effort to do so.
Withdrawal has been my temporary bandage; a small short bit of protection.
However, like any bandage left on too long, the fix becomes something different - a liability. It becomes part of the wound; impossible to remove without breaking open the skin it has so firmly attached itself to.

It’s debatable whether it is better to remove the bandage slowly to minimize damage, or quickly to minimize pain.
A few weeks ago, I let a few trusted friends peek under the flapping edges of my bandage – my personal veil.
I unveiled my true tear-stained face, previously reserved from everyone.
I asked for prayers, but not for help. I claimed no need for intervention.
And then I asked them to help me hold my veil in place. No need to share what you have seen or heard, I advised.
I don’t know if they obliged me or not, and I don’t really want to know either.

Because now, in this season of epiphany, I have realized that not only have I not been living in the Glory of GOD, I have not been living, at all. When I am asked how I am doing, I have prepared stock answers:
“I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.” “Oh, you know… good days and bad days, just like everyone else.” “Just fine. How are you?"

Every once in a while, I let the day’s emotions overrule my need to veil. A little something sarcastic pops out, which usually draws a laugh.

But for me, those answers dangle on the edge of unveiling, as I’m silently asking, “Do you really want to know?”

jak

In this issue: Band Aids, Jewish Tradition of Unveiling, Achieving Goals by Conquering Fears.
Worth watching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA
Worth listening to: Leonard Bernstein's Symphony No. 3, Kaddish, for Orchestra, 1963