jakorte's blog

I went to a Wednesday night Life Group meeting. Things were going ok, until the topic turned around to leadership. I didn't say anything for a long time, preferring to sit still and enjoy my internal freak-out first

Eventually, there was a quiet pause of space for my to spill my secret into.
"Suppose," I said, a bit teary eyed. "Suppose you don't want to be a leader?" Of course, I realized it was a little too late back out. "I'll keep my commitment because that's what I do." I said, through my sniffles and my leakage. In the morning, I still needed to rationalize my sound off. So I emailed a friend:

9/17
JK: (Describing the evening) It was very emotional for me considering the New Orleans trip is coming in just a few weeks and I am very not nervous. Reluctant, but not nervous. Isn't that weird?

Am I not taking the position seriously or am I just in denial that I have to behave as the leader?
Or do I really like it because I have control over everything leading up to the trip so I know it's in order?

Good grief. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to mess with me emotionally and spiritually.

Friend:
You aren't nervous because you are prepared and passionate about it.
Just roll with it and don't over-analyze it....