jakorte's blog

Holidays are always a tough call for me. Spend time with family and friends, or keep to my hermitage.

It’s a little reminiscent of the party dilemma I frequently suffered in college.
Most of the time I wasn’t really interested in crowding into a stinky, sticky-floored party to ogle a bunch of drunken fellas, while trying to determine if they might be good intellectual matches for me. However, most Thursday, Friday and Saturdays nights I would find myself standing in some fraternity or sorority or off-campus house basement doing just that. I was more afraid that if I didn’t go I would miss something, than I had common sense to tell me that so far I really hadn’t missed anything.

Now that I’ve matured into my widowhood, I am frequently faced with holiday taxation entrenchment. I love the root ideas of holidays: spending time together, eating comfort foods, establishing ties and traditions. But... they're also equally worthy of my dread.

I’ll try to explain: It’s not the going because I love a journey and the welcoming arival. It’s not the being there because I love my fam & friends. It’s the leaving that hits hard. Should be expected by now, but still ends up feeling like a sucker punch.

After the laughter, after the love, after the bonding, after memories are made, after stepping out of my very single, comfortable, self-efficient and self-sufficient routine – I repeatedly find my solo self heading back in the direction from which I came. The closer I get to my stagnant zone, the less appealing my safely padded turtle shell appears. The thing is - life really isn’t all that bad if I stay within the confines of my simple world. However, that can get pretty lonely, at times, too.

So the issue resurfaces at least once a month: Remain aloof and comfortable in my microcosmic bubble, or venture out knowing that sooner or later I’ll be traveling home alone to my big empty house, miles away.

I’ve tried both.
I’ve enjoyed both to an extent; suffered both to an extent.

Genesis 2:18 In the beginning, and from the beginning, a reflective covenant is established through GOD's creation of Adam - “It is not good for man to be alone.”
Yet, no matter which choice I make, the ending is just the same.
The question becomes whether to remain comfortably alone always, or to feel accutely alone sometimes.

I guess the best I can do for myself and for others is to evaluate each choice based on perceived merit and impending taxation - basing my participation on whether or not I can afford to or even want to pay the heavy tax for love and laughter now with painfully predictable taxation tears later.

In this issue: Intaxiction, TurboTax, Government Taxes, Cyber Tax Day, Imposition, Part 2 - Healthy Foods You Thought Weren't.

Now Posted: New Orleans, October 2009, First Reflection