jakorte's blog

There are times when we all do it: something that we don’t really want to do.
I have so much less on my plate than so many others, and yet I still feel overwhelmed at times.

Now that it’s within my grasp, I’ve developed a selfish reluctance to give up my down time when it is needed by others. I talk myself through uncomfortable approach issues – I can do this. I tell myself it’s important to show, knowing I will be able to find a way to slip out quietly if I need to. I plunge in and keep as busy as possible because I know idleness is my enemy. It finds me in the lulls, and I argue myself through flight issues. Just for a few hours. Just one more hour. Just until the event is over and things are settled. Just until…I find I have stayed to the end, even though every cell in my mind and body rebelled against it, echo-demanding “go – retreat – recoup!”

It would be nice to be able to say my philanthropic nature is easily swayed to participate. Lately, it’s not been like that. It’s been more hesitant, more self-searching, more me-driven, or more accurately: me-parked. I wish I could come up with enough self-importance to believe that GOD places me everywhere I need to be. But I don’t think that’s the truth at all: GOD puts me where HE needs me to be. And sometimes, I just don’t like it. I follow through, but in ways that sometimes make it harder for me. I’m not half committed, just slightly over – enough to be there, but still a bit removed. Sometimes being there is only an illusion that makes us look reliable while our hearts are somewhere else.

There is no obligation that holds me there. It’s deep down admiration. It’s being surrounded by people whose plates are more like platters; heavier than most, and way harder to balance. Knowing they are determined to do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, is what drives me to be there. What keeps me there, keeps me in step, is that hope that someday it will be just as natural for me to rise to that level of commitment without carefully measured consideration.

Then when the crisis begins, I step up. When it’s time to get something done, I do it. It’s always been that way, but lately it’s not without second thoughts. And there is a certain sadness to that. Being there at the right time brings our hearts back to the present; to what is in front of us. It calls us into action, superceding awkwardness and doubts.

We lend our hearts and hands to situations that we could not have predicted. We put aside the annoyances of the day, the goals of the day; we instantly cease measuring our success and count only our could-be losses. We hold ourselves together while we wait. We don’t panic. We do pray. We look around at our treasures, meeting their eyes in understanding, acknowledging our unspoken fears, sharing a suspension in time that life has placed before us, and GOD has placed us for.

And that, my friends, is what is meant by - and the true meaning of - being there at the right time.