jakorte's blog

I could easily become a hermit, not exactly along the lines of Emerson or Thoreau, but I could survive… with internet and phone capabilities. I don’t think it’s temporarily inspired complacency. I do think it’s got something to do with finding a comfortable place within and without.

Finding myself at 47, alone, on the deck of gorgeously well equipped cabin sipping a fine cup of mocha was the inspiration for this train of thought.
Sure the nearest market was 20 minutes away, but would it matter if I trekked out once a week?
Not much, since I’m such an excellent planner and accomplished over-stocker.
Would it be hard to be snowed in? Not any harder than being sunned in.
Could I make those necessary extra careful decisions and not compromise my desires? Sure I could,
Hot tubbing alone with coffee at 8:30 am is way more responsible than hot tubbing alone with wine at 4:00 pm.
Taking the stairs rather than navigating the rocky terrain short cut on the way down to the private beach was another good choice, as far as I’m concerned.
Ok. Calm down. Of course I wouldn’t be alone all the time. There’d always be holiday visitors to consider.

Affirmation is the confirmation of anything established. So I hereby affirm: I’m quite comfortable in the void of solitude. However, since the established may not always be what my heart will desire, here is where it all goes wrong: the trouble with getting away is having to come back. What I have convinced myself was ok is truly at best mediocre, which is better than awful, but not quite fine. Yet.

Daily affirmations occur whether we realize it or not. A good deal are negative based, some are positive enlighteners. Inner monologues consisting of half happy mantras are becoming more common for me.

Years of dreading a job I had come to dislike has preconditioned me. I still have the residual “I don’t want to” thoughts when the alarm goes off. But at least I have changed the meaning of the ’”I don’t’ want to get up and go to work because I hate my job and my commute.” to “I’d rather stay home read a good book and bake a loaf of bread than go to work.” Truly, who wouldn’t?

It’s taken some diligent purposeful practice, moving toward the more positive side of things.
I’ve found it gets easier to identify the true underlying negativity in our pretend positivity.
What I need to do, and what I want to do, is get past what I don’t want and get to what I do want.

In this issue: Affirmation, Worry, Alexander Haig, Build-a-Prayer part 5.