jakorte's blog

If it seems like I’ve been avoiding the whole end-of-the year, end-of-the decade, re-resolution thing, it’s because I have been. It’s not that I’m without resolve. I’ve got plenty of that. What I don’t have is a clear direction; just a lot of wishy-washy chore-type goals, and some general fitness continuations. One extra day a week at the gym. Transcribe 30 years of pen and paper writings onto computer; burn to disc or thumb-drive. Restore itunes library to original grandeur before I lost that computer, and burn to backup disc. Forgo frozen meals and cook from scratch more often, healthier. Read all of the unread book in my possession so that sometime within this year I can justify purchasing an electronic reader. Yep, lots of goals, and none of the usual rah-rah “fix everything” attitude.

Why we buy so deeply into the traditional New Years hoopla? Why do we run off to the gym, start brown-bagging it for healthy eating, decide to quit a vice? Is it about the impression that we are taking care of ourselves? That our lives are so well under control that we have oodles of time to devote to exercise and diet program plotting? Or are those the quickest easiest resolutions we can come up with. I'm not knocking the fit-mania this time of year brings with it. I'm just asking: what are our real resolutions? The ones we don't share, ever? No, you don't have to share them now, or ever. In fact, maybe it’s better that they are privately yours. I'm thinking in terms of a self honesty issue. Can I really admit to myself what I want and then do what it takes to get it, or get there?

I have one very small resolution; it’s tied to my deepest desire. It’s small and a bit simple, with major implications. I’ve toyed with, seriously considered, denied and come back to this one little point again and again. It will make a difference in my life. I’ve given it to GOD, but I’m still working up to putting it in writing. Still working on the bravery required, knowing that other people will see it... well, that’s scary. I'm not sure I'm ready for the probable back-lash.... or the possible whole-hearted support that may follow.