jakorte's blog

More 10/4:
I don’t usually turn on the radio on my five minute or less commute to work. Sometimes I do in the hopes of trying to find a good song to change an occasional sour morning mood. I also have developed a severe dis-affection for anything Adam Levine. Giving credit where credit is due, AL is extremely talented at penning pop-hooks that remain in the mind...for days. I just like a little variety in my head. So, I ended up flipping stations three times before the first traffic signal. I landed on WDVD, and the Blaine & Allyson show. They were discussing who should sleep on the couch when one partner snores and the other works weird hours. I didn't think much of until until Allyson mentioned that sometimes her husband seems to stop breathing in his sleep.

I also don't usually throw myself out there into cyber space and accost talks how hosts. But, I just kept thinking about the reality of what she had mentioned and I knew that I couldn't let it go. So, I pulled up the radio web site, opened the listener comments box, and started in.

Oct 6th will be the 6th anniv of my husband's funeral, and what would have been our 11th wedding anniversary. It's a long story, but the bottom line is he had sleep apnea. He wore a mask in bed, but sometimes he would remove it in his sleep. I would wake up because I couldn't hear him breathing. At 2 AM one night he woke me up laughing in his sleep. I put his mask back on him and for the 1st time in our entire lives together, I went to sleep on the couch. In the morning, I woke up and started Sunday breakfast. Neither he or our dog showed up at the smell of bacon, so I went to check. Our two year Jack Russell old terrier was sitting perfectly still on our bed; her paw resting on my husband's knee. And I just knew. He was gone. It's the worst decision I ever made in my life. I regret it every day. No one should sleep on the damn couch! Get him to a doctor. Please. Jodi Korte.

Reply 1:
Jodi, I am so very sorry about your loss and I am so happy you wrote this. Thank you for sharing your story. I am really trying to get my husband to go to a sleep study. Here's a hug! Dana

Reply 2:
Jodi, I am very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to express my feelings to you after reading your email. Please don't hold it against yourself that you slept on the couch.
Thank you for the info on sleep disorders, and again, my most sincere condolences to you and your family. Blaine

I truly didn’t anticipate a real response, thought I might get a standard email, and certainly didn’t expect very personal notes. I was touched to have received them. It made me feel a bit better that my little, somewhat angry, short paragraph impulse, was acknowledged. Then, the outcome expanded a whole lot more.

Reply 3:
OMG jodi!! my heart just broke:( i am so sorry:( i can't imagine how horrific that must have been for you and how much you must still miss him. i know we could tell you a million times over that even if you hadn't gone to the couch-the outcome might have still been the same. but i know that doesn't help. because if i was in your shoes i would feel exactly the way you do. 'what if?". warren has been on the couch for a month now-i am making an appointment for warren today. prayers, thoughts, hugs, from all of us jodi. we are having an expert on our show about snoring tomorrow. would you mind if i shared your letter with our listeners? it may impact them the way it just impacted me. Allyson

It didn’t take a second to hit “reply.” It did take a few to hash out some additional information I felt was important.

“ I hope it's not too late to respond,” I wrote since it was almost 10:30 pm on Thursday night.
“Yes, Please do share!
Jeff had some other medical issues, too. The apnea was compounded by diabetes, neuropathy and being overweight. His heart was enlarged from all that as well.
We knew that though, and in some ways we were blessed because, there's nothing worth fighting over or being angry about when you know it's just a matter of time.
Truly, everyone is in that same place, but few people recognize it. Everyone is going to pass sometime. I have many funny, sweet stories to tell about my husband. On the first anniversary of his passing, I wrote and had printed in two newspapers a memorial. It was written in response to a lunchroom conversation about how some spouses don't do this or don't do that. My sweet husband cooked gourmet meals, and cleaned the bathrooms, and did laundry (only his own, because he had some disasters with mine - but, hey, at least he tried.) So, I started thinking about the things Jeff didn't do.

Things You Never Gave Me
Half-hearted kisses; empty words or faulty promises
Less than your whole heart; tears we did not share
Love with conditions; words of discouragement
Disrespect or disregard; staunch predictability
No without a yes; you before me; your bad days
Any reason to doubt myself; any reason to doubt your love.
This is why I loved you so; for things you never gave me.

I can't tell you all how much it means to me that you are paying attention to the real dangers of apnea. It just means the world to me. Especially, this week.
Blessings, Jodi Korte

I received another reply from Dana: Jodi, I just wanted to let you know that after I forwarded your email onto my husband, he got on the phone and found a sleep study. He just has to get a referral from our doctor and he is going to do it. Thank you for your story and God Bless!!

I smiled through the tears at that one. After the show, I sent a simple note. I wasn’t capable of much more because it was disconcerting to hear my often repeated words coming back to me through the radio.

“Thank you,” I wrote. “That was an awesome interview, I especially appreciated the laughter. Jeff had a great sense of humor and he certainly would have appreciated it! Wishing you all the best.”

Amazingly, the dialog continued:

Reply 1
Thanks for inspiring it jodi!!:) we'll be thinking of you and jeff tomorrow. and thanks again for helping me and probably so many other people who thought "there is plenty of time to worry about it later". take care- Allyson

Reply 2:
Jodi, Your story really made an impact on us and our listeners. I am so sorry for your loss. I know tomorrow will be a tough day for you and your family. I’ll be thinking of you. Blaine

Reply 3: Jodi-
While I know this is a hard time for you and your family, I want you to know that you may have saved both Dan and Warren's life with your insightful email. Dan is waiting for the doctor to call him back about the study and as Allyson said before, she called for Warren. Thank you and God Bless!

I suddenly had to not be at home, or alone. I went into work and distracted myself for a little while. Had lunch with a friend, and headed on up to Hartland to pick up another friend who was returning from a bus trip. So, Friday wasn’t such a bad day after all. And although Saturday was the day, the one that coincided with the actual Saturday calendar date of our wedding, I was ok. And that’s really all I could have asked for, and all I really wanted, too.