jakorte's blog

11/14
Preference: I’d rather speak in front of an auditorium of unknowns than to a conference room of acquaintances. It is easier for me to walk into a room full of strangers and extend a confident introductory hand. Maybe I am just always trying to start off on the right foot, again and again. I’m a pleasant, interesting person in short intervals. I’m certainly not a conversation centerpiece, and I don’t really want to be. The place I want to project for myself is secure: a vague far-off picture of an unknown island somewhere out there on any one of the many oceans. I like being a concept. Is that unrealistic? Of course, it is.

I have to remind myself that an inquisitive nature is inherent in humans. Curious questions asked aren’t meant to cause pain. Mostly, the answers aren’t being stored for future collateral or intended to cause damage. But my reality sees that most tongues waggle and innocent information funnels into only half-informed pre- conceived notions cementing themselves into view that is hard to roll away.

I am more than ready to switch tracks and head off in another direction. I’m taking the “stay” very seriously, though. Here’s what I’ve noticed: while I am standing stagnant, movement continues all around me. Even as I’m watching others jump tracks, back-up, re-direct and scatter, I realize that stagnation supports its own type of life cycle. It makes for a not so good looking ugly pond, but is very beneficial to the fish and the frogs and the fauna. So, even though I’d rather head-full-of-steam head off to find somewhere (and a life) I can fit into, I think this staying time might be designed to help me figure out where others fit into mine.