jakorte's blog

My spirituality comes in sprints; short runs after long dry spells. I’ve been pretty pleased with my recovering self; relaxed, unbothered. Physically uncomfortable, for sure, but that has been improving and I can see a near and favorable end. Even so, it only took one moment to be thrown back into the reality of real emotions. Emotions like jealousy and sorrow; so close together. Evoked by where others’ paths have gone and reminders of wrong roads traveled. Loss, and more losses since; family and friends and their loved ones. These are the things that hurt. And just like that – contentedness flees. This isn’t at all where I thought I’d be, who I thought I’d be, or the type of life creative little girl dreams of. Holding a measure stick between my life and others isn’t an accurate gauge of GOD’s will for me. My acknowledgement of this doesn’t always bring about acceptance The past two months have set me up for an unusual spurt. There is no doubt that this is where I am. I’ve been living in a rare occasion, self-convincing; I’m ok. Coasting along in this nice little, quiet, mostly solitary and I-mostly-like-it-fine-that-way life is peaceful and un-dramatically bland. Maybe acceptance isn’t always for the best.. I hope that tomorrow’s sun can blow it all away along with the snow that was beautiful this morning, and is now nothing more than bitter cold. A message notice pops onto my computer screen. I follow along with a click and discover a forgotten note has now become a conversation. I started it:

May 28 2012 9:07 AM
Theresa - I noticed the flag and brokenhearted saying. As I went to share it on my wall, too, I read your post. Just wanted to let you know I am saying a prayer for your broken heart today, and asking my husband in heaven to greet your son with a hug. Blessings.

February 24 2013 12:50pm
Theresa Everett
Thank you so so much. I didn't see your message until months and months later. It went other "other" instead of "inbox". Our family has felt the prayers of many and felt the presence of God like never before over this past year. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. Someday we will see them both and never have to be apart.

I don’t know how I know her, or if I even do. I don’t remember writing this. I can’t find the picture I am referring to anywhere in the supposed cavernous retention of Facebook postings. Comparatively, though, what, and why are just a minor mystery. For now, just knowing, just tonight, makes a difference to me.

Have I mourned this for the last night? Probably not.
Has turned it around in the remarkable of space of just an hour?
Almost, I’ll still have to see what tomorrow brings.