March 19, 2013
Two Things, ME Newsletter, Vol. 6, Issue 12
There are two things I’ve grown into that are downright scaring me.
One is the willingness to discuss my bowels with my peers. When you haven’t pooped in 12 days, there’s just no getting around asking for advice. Stuff can’t keep going in and not coming out. So what if my arsenal of healthcare professionals assure me that an average colon is 5 feet long and can expand up to 2 inches in diameter – it just ain’t right. No way of getting around that! I lived in fear of sneezing and in dread of any gaseous feelings. Things are fine now, with the exception of never having imagined having to discuss my bowels with anyone. Ever.
The other notable concern is a noticeable lack of mental filing. I don’t think my cabinet is full, but I also don’t think I’m saving as many thoughts. Perhaps, there is just less new stuff for me to want to hoard in hope of making future days more interesting.
Example: rummaging around in my freezer for something other than chicken, I discovered an abandoned half-eaten pint of Vanilla Häagen-Dazs courtesy of a post-surgery home-visit by a sweet friend. Naturally, I went to the pantry for sprinkles. Poking around a bit, I came across a half-used bottle of red, green and white jimmies leftover from holiday baking 2012. I considered them, wondering’ “do these little sugar shots ever spoil?” I decided not to chance it, partly because food poisoning and subsequent vomiting would not be good for my newly repaired hernia, but really mostly because I spotted two other forgotten treasures: almost a dozen mini mostly-intact peanut butter waffle pretzel sandwiches and a handful of dark chocolate covered pretzel-thin shards. How I could have forgotten them is quite the mysterious mystery. Perhaps my memory lapse could be interpreted as divine diet intervention. Either way, these remnant ingredients were quickly, colorfully and quite beautifully combined to be used as an additional semi-lactose intolerant adult play-doh factory offering in hopes of… well… you know…. Still if a faulty memory leads to lovely surprises and by natural order of my creative nature, magnificent couture ice cream creations, so be it.
I was also delightfully surprised by two unopened boxes of Girl Scout thin mint cookies, also so sweetly delivered to me while my mind was altered and otherwise pre-occupied. (Refer to reason one.) If the ice cream doesn’t work, I suppose I will move willingly onto milk and cookies next, for good measure.
Posted by jaselin at March 19, 2013 08:15 PM