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March 30, 2006

brand new:

"The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot"

listen to it. it's worth your time, I promise

Posted by paulsona at 11:39 PM | Comments (0)

why is it that

when a woman looks a man in the eye, she is assumed a slut? does that even make sense? probably not, but it shouldn't either. Whenever I get up enough guts to actually look a male person in the eyes, i get a dirty look, a cat call, or a honk. Why?!?! Why are the bold girls in the world demeaned like that? and why, why, why, when it appears that that is the only attention they can get, do they settle for it? i wish i knew.

in other news, i feel sexy as hell in my new jeans. maybe not. but i really like the phrase 'sexy as hell'. I should tell someone that they are sexy as hell. too bad that kid with the brown eyes thinks i'm weird. haha as if i'd actually do it.

it's a beautiful day!!! i'm gonna get off the computer now and enjoy it!!

peace and love~

Posted by paulsona at 03:30 PM | Comments (0)

March 27, 2006

stolen quote (sort of) from a random xanga





self-gratification is prevailing over self-respect




Posted by paulsona at 12:38 AM | Comments (0)

March 22, 2006

oa;eifj wKLHSD PSUHGeklsdj LAKDFLAKJajsdlaksdljf

woo. i feel better now.
not really, but what the hey.

myspace is, if you can believe it, more addicting then facebook. hands down. you can edit your profile and make it pretty and you can put music on it. how exciting.

fuck calc 3. that's all i have to say.

i like dashboard confessional lately. anyone listened to them in a while? they're still good.

~peace and love~

Posted by paulsona at 10:26 PM | Comments (0)

March 20, 2006

i want a lover i don't have to love

I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.

I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before

I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time

You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."

Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...

I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where is the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt

Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
then hurt me...
then hurt me...

Posted by paulsona at 10:35 AM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2006

but i wish that i could

I can’t say I blame you
but I wish that I could
I’m sick of writing every song about you

Don't call my name out your window, I'm leaving
(I'm sick of writing every song about you)

~taking back sunday: head club


in other news, I DID IT.
monday: pink
tuesday: red
wednesday: orange
thursday: purple
friday: green, of course!!

woohoo, go me.

happy st. patty's day everyone!!! ooo man, it's gonna be a good one...

-peace and love-

Posted by paulsona at 04:07 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2006

What if I told you I could show you something?

So this week I decided to make my shirts match my vitamin waters. Call me what you will, but it is definitely easier this way. Yesterday it was an accident, i happened to wear pink and grab a pink vitamin water. Then I looked in my fridge and saw red, and remembered that I have a sweet red shirt that matches. That was the point of epiphany. I have purple, orange and undecided left to go. That's because I only have 2 left, so I can go buy a third one (because I love vitamin water anyway) and I get to pick whichever color (flavor) I want. It's fun.

Jarhead is an intensely emotional movie. But you wouldn't know it from the looks of it. Both times I watched it, I was left with this overwhelming emotion, I can't even describe it. It's a powerful statement of war, at least to me. Mostly, it is because the movie provided no catharsis of emotion to the audience. Yes, that is straight from the mouth of Dallacqua. Gotta love AP English 12 lol. Anyway, the fact that you have all that leftover emotion from just watching the movie really hits home about how people like Swoff must have felt in actually going to war. Like I said, Intense. I liked it better this time. Could it be.. nevermind, I am going to refrain from the catty comments. But, I will say that the audience you view with definitely makes or breaks a movie like that.

My new favorite bands are Tally Hall and The Postal Service. Too bad the postal service isn't a band at all anymore, I really like em. hmm, i should go on pandora and find more bands like that. www.pandora.com is the sweetest site, my thanks go out to Karen for introducin' me to that one. lol, I sound like a DJ. Tally Hall is also a good band, I'm goin to see them on April 8 (woohoooo). It will be a good time.

Well I guess this entry had no point, I just thought it was cool that I was matching my shirt to my water bottle. Why the hell not? But people keep making fun of me, so oh well. I'm gonna do it anyway.

~peace and love

Posted by paulsona at 12:57 AM | Comments (0)

March 12, 2006

hahahahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

that is a good one.

Posted by paulsona at 07:46 PM | Comments (0)

March 10, 2006

everything looks perfect from far away

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

"So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together"

I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
"I can't my darling i love you so...

Oh, oh

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together"
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

"I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again"
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

Posted by paulsona at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)

March 05, 2006

después que éste, yo soy hecho

"I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
but now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could."

funny, how you used to think of me when you heard this song..

"Whatever poison's in this bottle will leave me broken sore and stiff. But it's the genie at the bottom who I'm sucking at. He owes me one last wish. So here's a present to let you know I still exist.
I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.

But I got a plan: Drink for forty days and forty nights. A sip for every second-hand tick. And for every time you fed me the line, "you mean so much to me...". I'm without you.

So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states. The American boy you used to date. Who would do anything you say.

And even if her plane crashes tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me, by not burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea. "Jess, I still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you." And all this empty space that you create does nothing for my flawless sense of style.

It's 8:45. The weather is getting better by the hour. I hope it rains there all the time. And if you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied. I'm without you.

Never gonna get it right, you're never gonna get it.

No more songs about you. After this one, I am done with all you are, you're gone."

Posted by paulsona at 09:00 PM | Comments (0)

March 04, 2006

i love brand new!

"We were doomed from the start, as lovers are."

"This whole situation is incredibly typical
I should have seen it all along"

"It's girls like you that make me think I'm better off
Home on a Saturday night
with all my doors locked up tight
I won't be thinking about you baby"

"Leave your lipstick at home
Don't pick up the phone
Don't bother to look in my direction"

"forget everything you think you know about me. this isn't high school."

"Nothing's absolutely definite till it's absolutely, definitely gone.
I never thought this day would end."

"I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised."

"Keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us."

"It hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love."

"This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the battle.
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone.
This is the reason you fall."

"What they call love is a risk,
Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave
And end up on your own."

"Back in school they never taught us
what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair,
or someone breaking your heart."

"As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head."

"So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell."

"Everyone's caught on to everything you do.
And I can't let you, let me down again.
So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish...
and I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
And is that what you call tact?
You're about as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation..
I can't let you let me down again."

"no longer cool but a boy in a stitch
unprepared for a life full of lies and failing relationships"

"it used to be the reason I breathed now its choking me up"

((so the she's a he and whatever.. but you get the point.))

you can have some too:
"The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" (whole song)


"So I update this almost every single day for you
I begin to hate you for your face, not just the things you do
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you"

it's probably worth mentioning that i've been brutally honest in this entry......

Posted by paulsona at 04:15 AM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2006

things i have learned in the past 1 year, eight months, 22 days and 21 hours

love can be the most amazing and the most painful thing you will ever experience. most often, it is both, but it is always, always worth it.
friends are sacred. especially the ones who are there for you
always, after a year or two or more of not talking, after putting
up with all your bullshit. nothing can be more important than
those relationships.
no matter how much you want life to stop sometimes, it always goes on. and you always go on with it, no matter how painful it is in the meantime. never lose faith.
trust can be a powerful, moving, healing emotion. betrayal of
trust is equally as poweful, moving and hurtful. experiencing
both is essential to becoming a better person.

i learned how to change a tire, how to play hockey, more about cars then i ever thought there was to know, i learned about drawing, drafting, building, painting, videogames, computers, music. i learned about the love a family can have for one another, the value of families keeping in touch, the fun that people can have in a life so incredibly different and more fascinating then your own. i learned about friendships and relationships and love and hate, how to love and trust someone completely.

i learned how to cheat, how to manipulate, how to get what you want, how to lie and pretend, how to forget friends, how to be selfish, how to be lazy, how to hurt someone. i learned the capacity people have to be incredibly heartless and the capacity they have to be thoughtful, caring, loving human beings. i learned that people are so dynamic in nature that they can be both of these things at the same time. i learned what it feels like to be betrayed, and what it feels like to have your heart broken. i also learned what it feels like to break a heart, to betray a trust, and the sweetness of being forgiven. i have learned to be compassionate, but.. some things just hurt too badly to forgive right away.

i am not a perfect person, and i certainly haven't treated people with the respect they have often deserved. i can only decide to learn from my experiences and move on. and not make the same mistakes next time. it's sad for such great things as what i have experienced to have to end, and it's definitely sad the way it ended. but there is nothing left to do but cherish the good, be rid of the bad, learn from your mistakes and move on.

Posted by paulsona at 03:03 PM | Comments (0)